No Escaping Fate
by Tani Glace
Summary: Six years ago Shuichi left. He tried to start again, but the past never left his thoughts. When Tohma gave him no choice but to return, Shuichi had to face what he left behind. Eiri didn’t know what he had until it was gone.
1. Prologue

**No Escaping Fate**

Okay so I was in a totally angst ridden mood when I started to write this. It is AU from both the manga and the anime in that I have contorted facts here, there, and yonder whenever I felt like it so that the story line would work. For the most part though it goes more with the anime than the manga. (I saw the anime before I read the manga and it just stuck in my head that way, go figure.)

If you are going to try and read this story then you need to at least bear with me until the end of the prologue before you decide it is crap, because I just ramble a lot to set the stage in the prologue. I promises that it will be worth it… I hope anyway.

I don't own _Gravitation_, if I did then it would have been much darker. I also do not own any of the songs that will appear throughout the story.

Warnings for language, yaoi (duh), and various other crap.

**Prologue**

-First person POV-

"_Bad Luck, who are they?"_

That is the wonderful thing about America, nobody knows who the hell I am or rather who I was. Six years, plastic surgery, and a lot of English lessons later… I don't even remember who the hell Shuichi Shindou is.

Fuck it all. I really don't want to go back to Japan. I worked really hard to leave it all behind.

Things didn't change much after Yuki got back from New York. He still couldn't see past the memories. Everything I did reminded him of the way he was before _it_ happened. The fact that I managed to overcome my own rape so well didn't really help either.

Oh well, it doesn't matter anymore. I left Japan when everything started going to shit. I told Hiro and Suguru to go to hell when they started to complain that my music was getting too dark for our fans. When Seguchi-sama, God of NG studios, said something to me about it I knew it was over. I told him to take our platinum selling record and shove it up his ass.

Then I just left. It didn't matter anymore. I didn't say goodbye to anyone, not my family, not Yuki, not anyone. I just packed some of my shit, got on a flight, and never looked back.

I didn't know what to do at first. I headed for the US because it was really the only other place I knew anything about. I mean everyone always said that America was the land of opportunities; well they were about a hundred years out of date with that saying.

Getting my start in the US was like pulling teeth from an angry tiger, because everybody else came to America to try and make as well. But they weren't me. Even I had forgotten how hard I worked when I wanted something. Things with Bad Luck had started to come too easy and when I came back down to crunch time I had to bust my ass to make a name for myself.

What hurt the most was that, while I could still write lyrics with the best of them, my voice was just not the sound that American audiences were looking for. So I worked on my writing. It was ironic really, a writer is both was made my carrier and screwed up my life in Japan, and what did I become?

Fuck it all. I really don't want to go back to Japan. I'm getting off topic.

So, I managed to write and arrange a few songs well enough to sell them and slowly started to make a name for myself. LA was a strange place, they either loved you or hated you and I am just lucky to be the lovable type.

It was a couple of years into my carrier as a writer that somebody heard me singing one of my songs. They were some bigwig someone or another and they liked my voice. So it was that I started taking voice lesions. It was a lot of work to kill my accent, but after a year with a voice trainer breathing down my neck 24/7 I managed.

It was also during this time that I got the surgical makeover. I don't know what all I had done, so don't ask, all I know is the goal was to give me a more western look. America liked western singers, that is all there was too it. It was weird looking in the mirror and seeing someone who looked so different, but at the same time I hated Shuichi Shindou with a passion.

Fuck it all. I really don't want to go back to Japan.

He was a weak crybaby who didn't know how to stand up for himself. I like to blame it on Sakuma when I can, but I honestly know better. I was a foolish kid trying to play a grown up game without knowing all the rules.

So what now? Now I am part of a band again. We are pretty good, nowhere near as good as Bad Luck was, but that is just my personal opinion. I never cared much for western rock, at least not like my beloved j-pop. Still the band was selling records like no tomorrow and now the studio has sent us on a world tour. We have been to Europe, South America, Australia, China, and now we are headed to the one place I swore I would never go back to.

Fuck it all. I really don't want to go back to Japan. Not that I have a choice. So now Seven Sins will be playing in Tokyo in just two days. Neo Zolton (Don't ask me, I didn't pick it, I don't like it. They said it sounded flashy and American.) is going back to a city in which he died.

Because I died in Tokyo, or rather I killed myself. I killed Shuichi and left him to rot in Tokyo.

Fuck it all. I really don't want to go back to Japan.

---

If you don't like the name, get over it. I picked it for just exactly that Shu stated. It sounds flashy and American. It also means New Life which I thought was appropriate.


	2. Chapter 01

**No Escaping Fate**

For now all regular spoken words are in English and underlining is Japanese. The songs have been stolen from various bands and will be credited at the end of each chapter.

**Chapter One**

-Third person POV-

"I didn't ask you, Rick!"

Neo put his head in his hands and sighed. Rick Davis, James Wit, Eric Phighter, Craig Nickels, Tami Coolter, and Franki Winter made up the other six members of the band Seven Sins. Neo thought that the studio was insane to pack seven people on stage together, but the fans decided otherwise and the band had been a hit across the US for three years now.

Of those six other people, Rick was the only one that even came close to being someone that Neo would call a friend. He was also the only one who knew anything about who Neo really was.

The studio had done a good job of creating a past for Neo prior to putting him in the spotlight. "A born in Japan to an American mother and Japanese father. Immigrated to America as a child. Only child and orphan. Raised in a Japanese community in northern California." It went on like that. The studio had gone so far as to rush through the paperwork for him to become an American citizen. What a crock.

The studio had crated an image that they would do just about anything to protect. 'Neo' was the personification of the American musical dream; crappy background, extreme talent, mysterious, and beautiful. Oh if his fans only knew, but he really didn't care.

Ever since Neo had come to America that had been his outlook, 'I don't care.' Because of that his music tended to appeal to the generally angsty and depressed youth of the world. Whatever.

His fans were just as jaded as he was. Hm, he reminded himself a lot of someone he used to know.

"Neo, I know that this is bugging the shit out of you. Why the hell did you let them talk you into this?"

Neo looked up at his friend and pushed his long black hair out of his face. He thought about it for a moment and arched an eyebrow. "Rick, it really doesn't matter. It is public knowledge that I am from Japan. It would look suspicious if we stopped everywhere in Asia and the south pacific then skipped Japan altogether."

"Neo…"

"Rick…"

Rick sighed. Neo was impossible to deal with. The man was stubborn to a fault and so emotionally closed of that it was almost impossible to tell if he was in a good mood or a bad one. The only time he came to life was when he was performing. Then he was like different person altogether. The petit man put everything he had into his music and it showed. His fans loved him and that seemed to be the only thing that he _did_ care about. For them he would do no wrong and he sacrificed everything to make them happy.

"Just be careful. I don't know what happened in Japan, but I know that it is scaring the shit out of you. I know that because you are letting your mask slip."

Neo snapped his eyes from the window and onto his friend. He felt an angry retort die on his lips. Rick was right. He had been letting his emotions show more since he found out that Japan was going to be on the tour. It had been like someone ripping open a slow healing wound and pouring salt all over it. He had left Japan for a reason.

Neo shook his head. "I'll be fine Rick, it is not like I am going to see any of them anyway."

He turned back to the window and watched the Tokyo skyline grow larger and larger on the horizon as they made the decent.

As for Rick, he couldn't help the ominous feeling that seemed to settle in his bones. This wasn't going to turn out well for his small friend.

---

"…we then have a meeting at the corporate headquarters. The president of the company wants to talk to you about putting out a Japanese language album."

"No."

"Neo…"

"I said no, Dick."

Richard 'Dick' Stevens bit his lip. Neo had a reputation for his bad attitude and stubbornness. He had been warned a year ago, when he took over as manager for Seven Sins, that the little singer was a handful. He had told his predecessor that it wouldn't be a problem. He had worked with difficult clients before. The man had laughed himself silly before wishing Dick good luck. He now understood why.

Neo Zolton wasn't difficult he was impossible.

Dick took a deep breath. "Neo, Mr. Seguchi is _personally_ requesting this."

Neo froze. He felt his heart thumping wildly in his chest. He slowly turned his head toward his manager. "Since when dose NG own LA Reform?"

Dick looked confused. He turned his head to look for help, but he remembered that he was the only one riding with Neo besides the driver on the other side of the partition. "Um, about three years or so, since before Seven Sins was signed anyway."

"That son of a bitch!"

Dick looked confused. He knew some Japanese, but not enough to know what his singer had just said. He did get the feeling that it wasn't good.

"I am such an idiot." Neo ran his hand through his loose hair several times so that it fell into his face. "I knew that I should have stayed the fuck of the stage, but no I just couldn't stay away." Neo cracked his neck and looked back out of the window as Dick stared at him. He gave a great sigh and looked back at his manager. "Just when is my meeting with Mr. I-think-I'm-GOD Seguchi-sama?"

"Um, it is a dinner meeting at seven." Dick looked nervous and Neo couldn't blame him. He wanted to hurt someone, preferably a Seguchi Tohma someone.

Neo looked at his watch, it was after four already. It was just like Seguchi to not give a shit if someone had jet lag or not. "And is the whole band invited or is it just me who had the honor?"

Dick cleared his throat nervously. "Um, everybody knows that you are the one who is running the show Neo and Mr.…"

"So it is just me, wonderful." Neo laid his head back and closed his eyes. He had the strong urge to tell the driver to take him back the airport, but the Nittle Grasper keyboardist turned NG president wasn't going to let it go that easily. It was going to be a long night.

He didn't know how long he was lost in though before Dick plucked up the courage to speak. "Um, Mr.…"

"Shut up Dick and you had better not say a word about any of this to the others until I talk to Seguchi."

The man squeaked, "Yes Sir."

---

Japanese plain text/English underlined

Neo followed the hostess to his table and sure enough there sat his former and present boss.

He sat down silently and locked eyes with the bleach blond. Tohma had his usual serene smile locked in place. Oddly enough though none of the man's lackeys were present. He waited knowing that Tohma was waiting for him to speak first. Fuck that.

There were several long moments of silence before Tohma broke down. Neo knew he would, he had become a right bastard while in America and nothing intimidated him anymore.

"It has been a long time Shindou-san. I have been watching your carrier closely and I am pleased that you are doing so well." Tohma's voice was as calm and smooth as ever.

Neo kept his gaze cold and hard. "It's Neo. No matter how much I hate the name I hate the old one more. Now, what do you want?"

Neo smirked inwardly when the man sighed. "I know that we did not part on good terms and I am partly to blame for that, but I do not want that to affect your decision tonight."

"I'm am not now, nor any time in the future, planning on doing a Japanese language, Japanese style, or anything else Japanese related record ever again. I didn't even want to play Japan. So now that we have that issue settled I'll ask you again. What do you want?"

Tohma closed his eyes briefly, but gave no other indication of his frustration. "Shin… Excuse me… Neo, why did you leave?"

Neo sat back and crossed his legs. Before he could answer the waiter came for their orders. After glancing at the menu he decided to just have a salad and water. He had to watch his girlish figure after all. When the waiter was gone again he looked back at Tohma.

"You know damn well why I left. Yuki filled in the details that your spies couldn't I'm sure."

Tohma leaned back. "Actually Eiri was just as clueless as the rest of us. He was quite inconsolable for some time."

Neo snorted. "Well isn't that a change. Serves him right, the bastard countless times over the two years we were together. Suffice it to say that I ran out of tears."

Tohma looked at him thoughtfully for several long moments. The waiter came back with their order in what seemed like record time, but Neo was no longer hungry.

"You don't know why you left, do you?"

Neo looked up at him. "What kind of fucked up question is that? I left because I was sick of the bullshit. I left because I was tired of being hurt. I left so that I could have a life that did not end and begin with Eiri Uesugi. I left so I could write the music I wanted to write. Does that answer your question?"

Tohma looked more crestfallen than Neo could ever remember seeing him. It said something to him that the perpetually serene and slightly upbeat man could look so sad. "Shuichi-kun, I wish you would have talked to someone before you left."

Neo felt his jaw clench. "'Talk to someone?'" He gave a derisive laugh, "I talked to everyone who I thought gave a shit. No one listened. Get over it. I have gone to great lengths to put Shindou Shuichi in my past. I went so far as to undergo plastic surgery so I didn't have to look at his pathetic face anymore. I am not coming back to Bad Luck. Seven Sins is not putting out a Japanese album. I am never going to speak to Eiri Yuki again. I am going to stay in Japan any longer than I have to. You can do what ever you want to Seven Sins. If you break us up, I'll go somewhere else. If you cancel our contract I'll find us another one. If you sully our names then we'll sell better in the states. If you come out with who I am then I will disappear somewhere you will never find me. I love music, but I will not hesitate to give it up if I have to.

"I don't give a shit that you knew all along and custom made me a band and a life that I could start over with and be successful without having to try that hard. In fact that makes it worse. So now do you have any more questions?"

"Just one."

Neo threw his hands up in the air in exasperation. The man really was a bastard. "By all means, oh great and wonderful OZ."

"Do you still love him?"

"Fuck you, Tohma." Neo stood up and started to walk away.

"He still loves you. He tried to kill himself when you left."

Tohma's words stopped him dead. Neo expected Yuki to have long since moved on. It had been six years after all. "What makes you think that I'll believe that?"

"Because you know in your heart it's true. I know that you know it and I know that you still love him. I know that because I can hear it in every single song you have written since you left."

"Go to hell." Neo walked out and didn't look back.

---

Neo hadn't cared where his feet took him when he walked away from Tohma until he realized where he was. He was in the park. He was in Their Park. This was the place where it had all started.

Eight years ago he and Yuki had chanced upon one another here. The words of the song he had been writing played in his head.

He hit his palm against his forehead several times, "Get out, you don't belong there anymore. I'm not that person anymore." He mumbled it over and over again to himself, but it didn't stop the song playing in his head. "Damn you Tohma, I had gotten over all this shit and moved on with my life, but you just couldn't leave it alone could you?"

Neo pulled his trench coat around him tighter and kept walking. It was ironic that he had come hear and he silently cursed his own feet from bringing him. This place brought back too many memories. As he crested the hill he paused in his steps. He could see the dark silhouette of his one time lover standing there under the streetlamp reading his lyrics. He could feel the cold breeze that had blown the paper away from him. He could hear Eiri's dark voice whispering, "You have zero talent."

He shook his head, but the vision persisted. "Get a grip." He forced himself to keep walking, but the image was still there. As he drew closer he realized that it was not his imagination. Someone really was standing there and that someone really was Yuki. 'He must still live close by.' Neo thought to himself.

He felt his feet faltering in their steeps, but then he remembered that he now looked totally different from the last time Yuki had seen him so with determined steeps he kept walking. He watched as the taller man tried to light a cigarette, but the lighter seemed to be dead. Still Neo kept walking. When he was within a few dozen feet of the man, Yuki looked up.

"Got a light?"

Neo froze in his steps. Fate was a bitch. As it so happened he did have a light. He couldn't remember when or why he had started smoking, but right then he was very conscious of the fact that he had a lighter in his pocket. He tried to think. He couldn't fane ignorance of the language because Yuki spoke English. He could pretend that he didn't have a lighter, but that would require lying and he could never lie to Yuki to save his life and he doubted he could now.

So Neo opted to just pull the lighter from his pocket and hold it out to the man. He kept his head down and was careful not to let their fingers touch as pulled his hand back quickly. It was a nice lighter, a Zippo that he had been given by Rick a few years back after he had heard Neo complain one to many times about the cheep ones. Neo turned to keep on walking when Yuki's voice once again caused him to pause. "Hey your lighter?"

"Keep it." He still kept his face down when he said it and started walking again when Yuki just stared at him.

He had made it a few hundred feet from the other man when he heard running. He didn't turn back, but he knew what was coming. Yuki had recognized his voice.

There was suddenly a hand on his arm and he was jerked around so that the light was cast onto his face. Yuki tilted his head up to get a better look. Neo felt his heart pound in his chest, but there was no way that Yuki would recognize him. He waited for a long moment and slowly pulled away from the man's slack grip.

"Sorry, I thought you were someone else." Yuki held the lighter out to him.

"I told you to keep it." He turned and started walking again. Maybe he was a fool and a coward, but Tohma was right about one thing.

When he was far enough away that he knew that Yuki couldn't hear him he whispered, "I still love you, Yuki Eiri."

---

So? Too much? Not enough? Well, there will be more to come.


	3. Chapter 02

**No Escaping Fate**

_Italics _will be singing, writing, and whatnot.

**Chapter Two**

-English/Japanese- 

"Where have you been?"

Neo looked up at Rick and rolled his eyes. Totally ignoring the question, "What are you doing in my room?"

"Don't ignore me Neo. Dick has been going nuts. Apparently the President has been called him and said that you walked out of the meeting hours ago. When you didn't come back to the hotel they called your driver who said that he was still sitting at the restaurant waiting for you. We all thought that you had been abducted or something."

"Oh please. I know Tokyo better than just about anybody. Not to mention that very few people know who the hell I am here. I went for a walk." He pulled off his coat and shoes at the door before flopping down on the couch. "I am not a child, Rick. I know where the hell I am, I know how to get around, and I know the language. I needed to think for awhile."

Rick sighed and sat down next to his friend. "We were worried. There is no telling how many fans are in town right now. The concert is only two days away. You didn't even answer you cell."

"It was off. I wanted to be left alone, so get off my back. This place is full of some really shitty memories and I had to have some time to myself." Neo pulled the tie out of his hair in frustration. Everything he had believed for the past six years had just been turned on its ear. Tohma hadn't even denied the fact that he had been manipulating Neo's entire life almost from the moment he left Japan.

Neo turned his head when a warm hand rested on his shoulder. "Will you talk about it?"

"No."

"Is there anything I can do to help?"

Neo tilted his head to the side. He knew what Rick was offering. He and Rick had been having casual sex off and on since the band got started. Neither one of them had time for a relationship and it was safer than hooking up with or buying strangers, but did he want to have sex tonight? Seeing Yuki had kind of stirred him up, but at the same time…

No, Yuki was in the past and he need to stay there. So with strength that should not have been possible with his small, lithe form he pulled the much larger man down on top of him. There lips crushed together in a harsh kiss. They didn't break apart until it became necessary to breath again. Neo took a moment to catch his breath and then looked up into Rick's pale blue eyes. "Fuck me until I forget."

(I don't like putting authors notes in the middle of the story, but you should know that I will not be writing any OC sex scenes. I will save that for… well you'll see, but this story will earn its rating.)

---

-English/Japanese-

"You're so pathetic, you let it seep right into your brain  
It's insane how much you feel the constant need to complain

_You complain, you complain, you complain…_

The eyes are the window to the soul, the ears are the doorway to the goal  
The lips are the fruit that we behold, the throat is the vessel to be told  
The heart is the handle of the old, the brain is the pathway of the bold  
The skin is the jacket you were sold, the soul is the fire to the cold…"

"STOP!"

Neo groaned. If Craig stopped them one more time because he couldn't remember the backup queues he was going to kick the man's ass. "Enough already, take twenty. Craig you better get it right when we get back."

The man saw the look of death in Neo's eyes and nodded hastily. Craig could scream like nobodies business, but the man could have been the village idiot, even in Tokyo.

Neo cracked his neck and waked to the front of the stage to sit down. He pulled his cigarettes from his pocket, but when he reached for his lighter he remembered he didn't have it anymore and he had used the last of the matches from the hotel. "Fuck."

He dropped his head forward and sighed. They had been rehearsing all morning and he was exhausted. It was really his own fault for spending all night getting his brains fucked out, but he had needed that more than sleep at the time.

He felt the presence beside him as it sat down, more than he saw or heard it. He looked over expecting Rick, but was a little surprised to see Tohma. "Loose something?" The man handed him a lighter. It was a nice one, not as good as his, but it got the job done.

He handed it back, but Tohma shook his head. "I have more."

Neo nodded and pocketed it. There was no way Tohma knew, was there?

"Enjoy your walk last night?"

Then again he should really learn not to underestimate this man. "You are unbelievable. Did you have me followed or did he call you."

"Both."

Neo snorted. "Figures." He sighed and took a long drag on his cig.

"You know that those things are horrible for your voice." Tohma said it so calmly that Neo wanted to laugh.

"Fuck off." Neo rolled his shoulders. "What do you want?"

Tohma didn't say anything for a long time so Neo chose to ignore presence or tired to. Honestly the man had always given him the creeps. They way he was always so clam was unnatural. Not to mention for the longest time Tohma hated his guts for being involved with Yuki.

"He told me he got the weirdest feeling when he met you last night. He asked me if you, Shuichi, were in town, if I knew anything about where you, Shuichi, were. Of course we have had that conversation many times in the last several years. I told him what I always tell him. 'As far as I am aware Shindou Shuichi has not been in Japan since he left.' I am sure he knows that I know something, he as all but said so in the past, but he never gives up."

Neo crushed out the last of his cig on the sole of his shoe and tossed it out into the grass of the open-air auditorium. "You know I really can't figure you out. For two years you tried everything in your power to get me to break up with him or vice versa. I know for a fact that you are in love with him. You should have been jumping for joy when I left."

"Your not far off, but you do have one thing wrong. I was not and am not in love with him." Neo gave him an incredulous look. "Oh don't get me wrong, I love him dearly, but I was never really _in_ love with him. I loved the idea of loving him. In truth over the last few years I have learned that it was never real love. Nothing like what I have for Mika. I also know that he could never love me the way that I thought I loved him. All I want now is for him to be happy."

Neo sighed. "Well you better get him in counseling or start trying to find him a girlfriend, because I am never doing that again."

Tohma took off his hat and rolled it between his gloved hands. It was as close to fidgeting as the man got. "You never answered my question last night."

Neo didn't even pretend to not know what Tohma was talking about. "It's none of your business."

"So you do still love him."

Neo growled low in his throat. "Why can't you except the fact that I am not going to come back to Japan and make a happy life with Eiri? Are you too stubborn or just to used to getting your way?"

He watched to bleach blond man for a moment and Tohma watched him back. "You know I do believe that it the first time I have ever heard you use his given name."

Neo snorted. And they said that HE was impossible. "Get it through your thick head, it is not going to happen. I used his given name because the fantasy that was Yuki died a long time ago. I have a decent life now, I am asking you not to screw that up for me."

Neo looked down at his watch. "Now if you will excuse me, I have a rehearsal to get back to if I am going to give you a concert tomorrow."

He watched Tohma slip down off the stage and turn back towards him. "You can lie to yourself all you want to, but you are still Shindou Shuichi and you do still love him."

"Whatever." He turned he back on Tohma and walked back over to where the band was gathering back up. "Come on people! From the top."

The music started play almost instantly and Neo started to count off. Craig came in on time for a change and Neo took a deep breath…

"_Don't you overlook the quiet ones, the ones who won't say…"_

_--- _

-English/Japanese-

Neo collapsed back onto the bad and grunted when Rick came down on top of him. He pushed his friend off of him and Rick rolled away onto his back. "What has gotten into you Neo? You haven't been this horny in ages."

"Nnn." Neo slid up on the bed and propped against the headboard to light a cig.

"That isn't your lighter. What happened to the one I gave you?" Rick had rolled over so that his head was propped on Neo's lap.

Neo looked down at his a little guiltily. He took a drag and held it for a moment before answering. "I let someone use it and didn't get it back." It wasn't a lie, but it was misleading.

"That sucks. It took me ages to find one I thought you would like." Rick started playing with Neo's happy trail and Neo brushed his hand away.

"That tickles, quit." Rick just smirked at him. "I did like it too, but such is life and all that."

Rick snorted. They were both quiet for a few minutes as they enjoyed their afterglow. "So what did the prez want from you?"

Neo groaned and let his head thump back against the headboard. "So much for the afterglow."

Rick gave a quiet chuckle. "I know you don't listen to Everclear."

Neo let a small smile slip onto his face. It was an open secret in the band that he hated rock music, including theirs. He wrote it and sang it because it was what he felt, but it was not what he listened to for pleasure. It was his 'dirty little secret' that he had a stash of j-pop with him at all times, including Bad Luck and Nittle Grasper.

When Neo stayed quiet after that Rick got a little frustrated. "Well?"

Neo looked down at him and sighed. "I know him."

Rick eyed him a little strangely. "You know him?"

Neo sighed. "Yeah, I was in a band here before I went to the states. We were signed under NG."

Rick sat up and gave his friend a hard look. "You have got to be kidding me."

"Nope." Neo reached over and tapped out the butt of his cig before he started smoking filter.

"You were in a band signed under NG, a very prestigious label I might add, and you left? Are you nuts?" Rick could not believe he was hearing.

"Yes, that is pretty much it. Oh, and we went platinum with our first album within a few months. Did I mention that? It really is to bad that I hightailed it out before we released the second one. I wonder how it did?" He said all of this in such a nonchalant way that Rick wondered about his friends sanity.

Neo on the other hand was doing his best to keep from laughing at the incredulous look on Rick's face. He knew exactly how ell the album did. When word got out that Shindou Shuichi had vanished without a trace the day the album was released the CD had disappeared of store shelves faster than they could be put up. It had sold over million copies in that first day and gone diamond within the year.

"Are you stupid? Why the hell did you leave a carrier like that behind? Yeah, Seven Sins is doing great, but platinum within a few months on your _first_ album? You are going to have to explain that one to me."

"What? How to go platinum? Well you see to go plat…"

"Neoooooo!" Rick was whining now and he knew it, but the man was so frustrating.

"It all goes back to the same thing and I really don't want to talk about that." Neo pulled out another cig and lit it.

Rick flopped back on the bed, "I swear that you are going to be the death of me one of these days."

---

"_Every time we lie awake  
After every hit we take  
Every feeling that I get  
But I haven't missed you yet_

_Every roommate kept awake  
By every sigh and scream we make  
All the feelings that I get  
But I still don't miss you yet_

_Only when I stop to think about it  
I hate everything about you  
Why do I love you  
I hate everything about you  
Why do I love you_

_Every time we lie awake  
After every hit we take  
Every feeling that I get  
But I haven't missed you yet_

_Only when I stop to think about it  
I hate everything about you  
Why do I love you  
I hate everything about you  
Why do I love you_

Only when I stop to think  
About you, I know  
Only when you stop to think  
About me, do you know

_I hate everything about you  
Why do I love you  
You hate everything about me  
Why do you love me_

_I hate  
You hate  
I hate  
You love me_

_I hate everything about you  
Why do I love you…"_

Neo let the music fade and then sighed in relief. They had made it through the whole play list without a problem. Finally.

"Alright everybody, clean it up and go take a nap. The show starts in nine hours and they are going to start letting them in here in about two so make sure you have your shit together before then. Meeting backstage half an hour before we go on while the warm up band is playing. Don't leave the stadium unless it is a life or death emergency because security says it is already a madhouse out there!"

Neo gave the same speech before almost every concert so he didn't wait around to make sure that everybody acknowledged him. He really didn't give a shit. They all knew how this worked. The stadium sat twenty five thousand and there was standing room four another three thousand on the field. The concert was sold out, so anybody stupid enough to go out was just asking for it.

Neo ignored anyone who called to him and headed strait for his dressing room. He wanted a shower and a nap before he had to deal with several thousand screaming idiots.

---

The first song is _Pathetic_ by Five Bolt Main and the second song is _(I hate) Everything About You _by Three Days Grace.

So? Too much? Not enough? Well, there will be more to come.


	4. Chapter 03

**No Escaping Fate**

**Chapter Three**

-English/Japanese-

_"If I go crazy then will you still  
Call me Superman  
If I'm alive and well, will you be  
There holding my hand  
I'll keep you by my side with  
My superhuman might   
Kryptonite_

_You called me strong, you called me weak  
But your secrets I will keep  
You took for granted all the times I   
Never let you down  
You stumbled in and bumped your head, if   
Not for me then you'd be dead  
I picked you up and put you back  
On solid ground…"_

"Why the fuck did I write this song?" Neo felt better after his nap, but just listening the play list like he did before every concert had him feeling antsy.

He had never really thought about the motive behind his songs before. True when he wrote for Bad Luck he had known that they all came back to Yuki, but he hadn't thought that of his Seven Sins songs.

"Damn you Tohma." He grabbed the remote and turned the volume down so that he could just barely hear the song playing in the background. "You really are a screw up, Neo. You know that don't you? You are a pathetic, sniveling coward who was too caught up in his own misery to see what you were doing. You just kept trying to run away, but it is still right there looking you in the face." He felt like throwing something, but he flopped back on the couch and sighed.

"You know they say that talking to yourself is the first sign of insanity."

Neo threw his arm across his eyes to hide the tears that where trying to fall. "Go away Rick, I really am not in the mood."

Neo heard the door close and thought that for once Rick had listened to him, but he should have known better.

"So what are you running from?"

Neo hit the stop button on the remote and sat up. "Did you not just hear me say that I was not in the mood for this?"

Rick crossed the room and sat down in the empty lounge chair. "I heard you, but I chose to ignore it like always."

Neo snorted then got up and crossed to his dressing table. He only had an hour before the concert started so he really needed to start getting ready. He was a little surprised when Rick didn't say anything for a while. In fact Neo was almost done with his make up before the other man spoke.

"You know I always wondered who you left behind that inspired all of these songs. I had it figured that it was an old lover and most likely a guy, but besides that there just weren't enough clues. All I know was that he was always there watching over your shoulder, some kind of invisible specter that haunted your every waking moment. You tried to pretend that he wasn't there, but I could always see it. I knew it was powerful too, because all the songs you wrote were either incredibly painful or beautifully loving."

Neo growled low in his throat. "Are you trying to be poetic or just get on my nerves?"

Rick stood up and moved so that he was directly behind Neo. "What happened between you and Eiri Yuki?"

Neo froze with his hand half way to his face. How the hell did Rick know about him? Did Tohma tell him? Did he see an old newspaper or magazine article?

"Before you ask, I looked up the rise and fall of Bad Luck. It wasn't hard to figure out which band you were a part of after all the clues you gave me last night and your disappearance was highly publicized."

That shook Neo out of it. He finished his make up and stood to get dressed. "Well then you really don't need to ask what happed do you? Eiri and I had a love/hate relationship from day one. I loved him and he hated me. It just got to be too much so it was either leave and start over or kill myself and be done with it." Neo buttoned his pants and turned angrily towards Rick. "Happy now? You know all about my dirty little past. You know how I was an infatuated little boy who got his heart broken because he couldn't see past his fantasy."

Rick sighed, "I'm not happy, but I think your wrong."

"Oh and you would know so much better than me. I only lived it for two goddamned years, but you who have know for a few hours have it all figured out. Don't try and do me any favors Rick, I'm over it and I have enough enemies without friends like you." Neo snatched up the concert itinerary and started to walk out of the dressing room, but Rick caught his arm.

"You're a fool Shuichi and your too damn caught up in all the wrongs you think have been done to you to see what has really been happening." Rick took something from his pocket and smacked it against Neo's chest. "I have been busy for the last few hours and I didn't even have to read the whole damn thing to know what it meant. So for once, yeah I think I know better than you."

Rick turned and left, leaving Neo in a stunned silence. He looked down at the book in his hand. He had caught it purely on instinct.

_Innocence Lost_ by Eiri Yuki

That was as far as he got before he felt his chest tighten into a knot. It took him a long moment to steal himself. He dropped the book on the floor and walked out without looking back at it.

---

"Okay everyone listen up!" Neo waited until he had everyone's attention before continuing. "I'm going to say this now, because you are all going to be too exhausted latter to listen. After the concert the cars will take you strait back to the hotel, no side trips people! Get your shit together once your there, you will have an hour to pack before you have to leave for the airport! Try to sleep on the plane because we have a press conference at the studio in LA right after we land so that we can announce the six-week welcome home tour. After that you will have a month long hiatus before you have to be back in LA!"

There were several groans from the band. Neo knew that it wasn't really necessary to state all of this now, but he knew that the more times he said it, the more likely that they would actually remember. He would say almost the same thing again at the hotel, on the plane, at the airport in LA, on the way to the press conference, and yet again just after, as well as adding a few instructions each time. What could he say? He didn't have K around to make sure that they were too frightened to forget it after it was said the first time.

Why the hell did they have a manager anyway? Oh yeah, he hated booking gigs and interviews.

There was a call of five minutes from somewhere in the wings as the warm up band started their last song. "Get ready people!" Neo watched his band scatter around and take care of last minute tasks.

Just two more hours and then he would be on his way out Japan, hopefully for the last time.

---

-English/Japanese-

_"I walk this empty street  
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams  
Where the city sleeps  
And I'm the only one and I walk a..._

_My shadow's the only one that walks beside me  
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating  
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me  
'Til then I walk alone..."_

Neo waited for the crowd to quiet down some and then took a deep breath. "How we doing tonight TOKYO!"

The masses seemed to surge and ebb in front of him like the rippling ocean. Innumerable flashes went of as people captured the bands image for eternity.

"I am going to take just a moment or two of your time and tell you a little bit about us. Over here on bass and singing male back up we have Craig -Mamma you better watch your daughters- Nickels." Craig played a few cords and gave a wave. "Next over here on the drums Franki –Too sexy for her own good- Winter."

'I really hate this part.' He thought as Franki played for a few seconds.

"Over here tickling the ivories we have Eric –I should have been a composer- Phighter." Another solo break, "Over here playing with the toys and singing female back up we have Tami –I'm so damn cute- Coolter." Tami kept it short just shaking a tambourine at them. "Next on the electric guitar we have James –wannabe Dean- Wit." James mock glared at him and did his little trick where he had his guitar say hello for him. Neo wondered if he could get it to say that in Japanese.

'I wonder if Hiro could do that?' He shook his head and got back to work.

"And way over there on the left we have the illustrious Rick –I just think I'm god- Davis on the synthesizers." Rick started playing.

'I am really glad that none of them know Japanese well enough to tell Rick what I just called him, but he deserved it.'

"And as you are all very much aware I am Neo Zolton and we are Seven Sins!" There was a roar of sound and he waited again.

"It is wonderful to be back in town. As many of you know I was born right here in Tokyo some twenty something years ago." There were a few laughs and some more cheering. "We are very glad that you could all be here to support us on our very first international tour, so to say thanks we have a brand new song for you. This will be released on our upcoming album and it is called Crawling!"

They went nuts for a few seconds but as the band started up the noise died down.

_"Crawling in my skin  
These wounds they will not heal  
Fear is how I fall  
Confusing what is real_

_There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface  
consuming/confusing  
This lack of self-control I fear is never ending  
controlling/I can't seem_

_To find myself again  
My walls are closing in…"_

_"Without a sense of confidence I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take."  
_

_"I've felt this way before  
So insecure_

_Crawling in my skin  
These wounds they will not heal  
Fear is how I fall  
Confusing what is real_

_Discomfort, endlessly has pulled itself upon me  
distracting/reacting  
Against my will I stand beside my own reflection  
It's haunting how I cant seem..._

_To find myself again  
My walls are closing in…"_

_"Without a sense of confidence I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take."_

_  
I've felt this way before  
So insecure_

_Crawling in my skin  
These wounds they will not heal  
Fear is how I fall  
Confusing what is real_

_Crawling in my skin  
These wounds they will not heal  
Fear is how I fall  
Confusing, confusing what is real_

_There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface  
Consuming, confusing what is real  
This lack of self-control I fear is never ending  
Controlling, confusing what is real…"_

The music died off and Neo was happy to see that the audience seemed to like the song. It had gone over well on all the other stops, but for some reason he had not be too sure about how is native Japan would take it. Maybe he had just been more concerned about what they thought then the other places; this was his homeland after all.

---

The rest of the concert went off without a hitch and Neo was glad when it was over. He loved performing, but being back in Japan had almost made him want to start singing The Rage Beat or No Style and even though not all of these fans would know who Bad Luck had been he was certain that most of them would. He was also fairly sure that they would recognize his voice.

He was putting the last of his things into his bag when he heard the door to his dressing room open. "I still don't want to talk about it, Rick."

"I am sorry, were you waiting for someone?"

Neo nearly groaned out loud before turning around. "Is there something I can do for you Tohma? I am in a bit of a hurry."

"Not to worry I have already made arrangements for you to meet up with your band at the airport in time for your flight latter. I would like you to come with me."

Neo wanted to argue but he knew better. He threw his bag over his shoulder and walked to Tohma who held out something for him. Neo had already taken hold of it when he realized it was book. "I didn't realize that you were keeping up with Eiri's work."

Neo stanched the book from him and stuffed it into the top of the bag. "I'm not. This was left here by one of my band-mates who doesn't know what the hell he's talking about."

"Yes, I got the impression that Mr. Davis was quite the stubborn man. He seemed very determined when I spoke to him."

Neo narrowed his eyes up at the man, who despite the heals Neo was wearing and Tohma's own short stature was still taller. That really bugged Neo, he hated being shorter than everyone else. "I should have known that you had something to do with his snooping."

"I would hardly consider it snooping when your relationship with Eiri is public knowledge."

Neo gave a humph and walked out of the room towards where the car was waiting. "Neo, I am asking you to speak with me before you leave again. Besides the car and the band have already gone to the hotel."

Neo stopped and turned around. "You know you really are a son of a bitch, Tohma."

"As you have said on many occasions."

Neo just looked at him for a long moment. "Fine where are we going?"

Tohma started walking and lead them to another back exit. Outside there was a car waiting, but none of the normal fan masses. This was no real surprise to Neo as the band had already left from another exit and it was unlikely that many people would want to stick around and watch the crew load equipment.

Neither of them said a word until the car stopped in front of the NG studio. "What the hell is this about Tohma? I only have an hour to make my flight if we are going to be on time for the press conference."

Tohma just held the door to the building open for him and Neo sighed. Tohma followed him in, but didn't say anything until they were in the elevator. "There is no press conference, at least not tomorrow. The band's flight will be leaving on time, but you will not be on it."

Neo saw red. "I already fucking told you I am not staying in Japan!"

It was then that the doors opened and with a gentle shove Tohma pushed him into the waiting arms of a bodyguard. "I am afraid that I am not giving you a choice this time, Shuichi."

---

Damn Tohma is a bastard. You love to hate him. Right?

In this chapter we had _Kryptonite_ by 3 Doors Down, then we had _Boulevard of Broken Dreams_ by Green Day, and finally we had _Crawling_ by Linkin Park.

So? Too much? Not enough? Well, there will be more to come.


	5. Chapter 04

**No Escaping Fate**

**Chapter Four**

-No English in this chapter.-

Neo struggled against the large arms wrapped around him, but the man was massive. He looked back up at Tohma as he exited the elevator. "You do know that this is kidnapping."

"Hardly. If I am not mistaken you came with me of your own free will. This is more along the lines of being held against your will. Nevertheless I know that you are not so naïve as to believe that this is the first time I have broken the law." Tohma gave a soft chuckle, but when he looked up again his eyes were hard. "It is time to stop running away."

Neo ground his teeth for a moment and then without second thought he spit in Tohma's face.

Neo was a little surprised when, for a moment, Tohma didn't react. The blond then gave a sigh and pulled a handkerchief from his pocket to wipe the mess away. "Please clam yourself. You are doing neither of us any favors by acting so crass."

"Why are you being so stubborn about this?"

"I have already explained myself to you as much as I care to. If you are unable to except the fact that I care then that is your problem." Tohma turned to the bodyguard. "Please take Mr. Shindou to his room and see that he is settled. He things should already be there."

Then man nodded then started pulling Neo down the hall. When the smaller man resisted he found himself slung over the man's black clad shoulder and carried. Before long he was tossed, though be it gently, onto a bed. He made a dash for the door as soon as he got his barring, but it was shut in his face. He slammed his fist repeatedly into the steal door, but the man on the other side gave no indication that he heard, after awhile Neo gave up on grounds of exhaustion and crossed slowly back to the bed.

He let himself fall back onto the surprisingly soft mattress. "I knew there were reasons not to come back here. Hell, Seguchi Tohma is enough of a reason all by himself." It wasn't long until he felt himself pulled, unresisting, into the arms of sleep.

---

_Shuichi reached across the bed to wrap his arm around his lover, but he was met with nothing but air. He forced his eyes open and confirmed that Yuki was not there next to him. He closed his eyes to listen, but didn't hear the shower running or the rhythmic tap-tap-tap of the keyboard that so often woke him at night._

_He glanced up at the clock but for some reason there were no numbers. A look out the window confirmed that there wasn't a power outage so he got up. He exited the bedroom and quickly saw that the apartment appeared to be dark. _

_He walked his way through the rooms one by one, but his lover was nowhere to be found. "Yuki? Yuki, where are you?"_

_After what seemed like forever searching the rooms over and over again he gave up and sat on the couch. "Where are you, Yuki?" He got up once again, unable to relax where he was. He walked to the French doors that led to the balcony and pushed one open. He leaned against the railing and watched the city's skyline. _

'_Why do I feel so empty?' He couldn't help but wonder where Yuki had gone. A jolt of inspiration struck him and without stopping to dress he ran to the door and pulled on his shoes. He was out into the hall and running down the stairs without waiting for the elevator. The night air hit him cold and hard, but he just kept running. He knew where Yuki was. _

_He made it to the park, Their Park, in record time. He navigated the narrow tree lined paths with practiced ease. 'I'm almost there Yuki, wait for me.'_

_He stopped to catch his breath when he finally spotted his lover. Yuki was standing there looking at something in his hand. Shuichi started towards him again more slowly, but was suddenly struck with a feeling of dread. He hurried his pace a little, but each step he took seemed to pulled Yuki farther and farther away. _

_There was a flash of silver as Yuki lifted whatever was in his hand. Shuichi froze; Yuki had a gun and was putting it to his head. _

_A sudden shot tore the night in two…_

_--- _

Neo sat bolt up in his bed and had to clutch his stomach to try and stave off the sudden wave of nausea that tried to overtake him. He hadn't had that particular dream in years. It had haunted him every night when he first got back from New York until Yuki had made it home.

It took Neo several minutes to remember where he was, but when he did he felt a renewed swell of anger. He got up and searched the room. All of his luggage had been brought from the hotel and unpacked in a futile attempt to make the room seem less barren. I found the bag he had taken with him to the concert by the door and quickly searched it's contents, but his cell phone was not there.

He started putting his things back in the bag but stopped when his hand landed on the book. He wanted to just shove it in the bag or better yet rend the pages from the spine and shred them into confetti, but he couldn't bring himself to do either.

Like all of Yuki's other books there was no image on the cover, but unlike the others this one was in English and that seemed more than a little strange to Neo. He had read many of his lover's books when they were together. Toward the end of their relationship the books had grown darker and seemed to reflect the strain that the two of them were feeling.

Neo leaned against the door and sighed. It felt like fate, Tohma, and Rick were all conspiring against him. He didn't want to go back to Yuki, no matter that he had finally admitted to himself that he was still in love with the writer. He didn't want to have his heart ripped out again; he didn't think he could survive the next time it happened.

He slowly stood and, with book still in hand, made his was to the small in suite bath. Why the hell Tohma had a room like this in the studio was beyond him, but he decided not to try and analyze it just then. He turned on the taps and plugged up the tub so it could fill. He set the book down and started to strip.

He started when he caught a movement out of the corner of his eye and froze when he caught sight of his reflection. He studied his half naked form in the mirror and a stranger looked back at him from his own eyes. "What have I become?"

He shook away the brief urge to cry and turned away from his reflection. He finished undressing and settled himself into the steaming water. He felt his mussels start to relax and sighed in relief. After sitting there for a few moments he eye was once again drawn the book.

"Lost Innocence, huh? Like you were ever innocent to begin with, Eiri."

He didn't know why he was doing what he was doing, but without a second thought he flipped open the cover and thumb through the pages to the first chapter. Soon he was lost in the words…

---

_He felt the urge to growl as her eyes followed him across the room again. He couldn't explain why it bothered him, but her mere presence always drove him to distraction. 'Has it only been six weeks?' he thought. 'Has she really only been there watching me, following me… loving me, for six weeks? It seems like she has always been there beside me. It's so strange. I can't remember what my life was like without her. I don't think I want to.'_

_He crossed the room and sat down on the couch next to her. Instantly she scooted up next to him and laid her head on his chest over his heart. He looked down at her in wonder and couldn't resist draping his arm around her shoulders or the small smile that graced his normally stoic face._

_They had already seen so many hardships together. They had survived the darkness only by learning to trust one another and he would be the first to admit that it had been hard. As much as he wanted to deny it, as much as he wanted to push her away, as much as he wanted to hide, he couldn't and though he believed that it would only every bring either of them pain…he loved her too._

_--- _

Neo closed the scrubbed the tears from his face. It was the first time that he could remember crying in years.

It was their story. Different names and different circumstances, but it was still his and Eiri's story. At least it was part of it. The book didn't go into the darkness that followed. It didn't tell how the hero started to pull away from his lover. It didn't say how just being in the same room together made her feel like her soul was turning to ice. It didn't go into how at the end it was leave or die for her because he hadn't really changed at all.

The book was a lie, a wonderful lie, but still a lie.

"It's the only one he said he would ever write a sequel to. Assuming he could bring himself to write it."

Neo jerked up from his spot on the bed. He had been reading all day and was so drained by his emotions that he hadn't even heard the door open.

"What do you want now Tohma?"

The blond sighed and sat down at the small table in the corner of the room. "That is the manuscript he was turning in the day you left. He told me latter that when he was writing it he was finally able to come to terms with everything that had happened between the two of you. He told me that he had hoped that once it was finished that he would finally be able to put that part of it behind him and be able to make a life with you, but then you just… vanished."

"So just what do you think that means to me? Are you expecting me to go throw myself at his mercy? 'Oh, Eiri I am so sorry! I didn't realize you were being a cold-hearted son of a bitch to me because you were writing our love story! Please forgive me!' If you think that then you are a bigger fool than I am." Neo got up and dropped the book on the table in front of Tohma. "If this is all there is to your grand scheme to get me and him back together then you seriously need to check your power gage, because your slipping."

He sat in the chair opposite his one time idol. He had once been so in awe of this man and his band mates that he would never had believed that Seguchi Tohma was a manipulative bastard. He knew better now.

"To be honest, the book wasn't my idea at all." Tohma seemed as calm and collected as ever; completely unfazed by Neo's lack of remorse after having read the bood.

"Oh, and just whose idea was it?"

"Ryuichi's."

Neo felt a streak of fear race through him. If Tohma was god then even god had a master and his name was Sakuma Ryuichi. Neo had learned a long time ago that there was a lot more to Ryuichi than the man ever let anyone see. He was both cunning and manipulative. He could easily make Tohma's mechanizations look like child's play and he could do it all with that damn chibi smile on his face and no one the wiser. If Ryuichi had a hand in what was going on then Neo might as well give up.

"Just spare us both the frustration and tell me what you want me to do."

Tohma was a little surprised by Neo's sudden change of heart, but he managed to hide it well. "I want you to stop running away from your problems. I want you to stop pretending to be someone you are not. Most of all I want you to talk to Eiri and be honest about what happened; why you left, what you felt, and why you didn't even say goodbye."

Well that was blunt. Not that Neo could blame him, he had asked for it. Could he do it though? He let his eyes drop closed and Eiri's face flashed into his mind. It was not the face he remembered from six years ago, it was the face from the other night.

He saw again the face that at the time had seemed unchanged, but as he pictured it now he could see the changes. His face looked drawn and tired. His eyes seemed both empty and tormented, Neo would almost say haunted. Not to put too fine a point on it, Eiri looked like hell.

Neo opened his eyes again and pined Tohma with a determined gaze. "Fine."

---

Damn I am getting bad about the cliffhangers. No songs in this one obviously.

And before I get a flame: No I am not saying Ryuichi is a bad guy. I don't think that he is a bad guy at all, but I do think that he knows how to get exactly what he wants. Does he want Eiri and Shuichi back together? We'll see.

So? Too much? Not enough? Well, there will be more to come.


	6. Chapter 05

No Escaping Fate Thanks to Tlynn for Betaing and Ashcat for giving me some great ideas to improve this.

**Chapter Five**

English/Japanese

Tohma could not remember the last time he had been stuck speechless, but that is exactly what he was. He stared across the table at Shuichi and took a long slow breath. "Fine?"

"That's what I said. What, you expected me to keep fighting you? I may be stubborn but even I know when to give up." Neo turned his head to the side, put his palm under his chin, and popped his neck with a resounding 'crack.'

Tohma sighed at the younger man's bitter tone, but decided not to push his luck. He got up and made his way to the door.

"Where are you going?"

"There is no time like the present."

Neo looked at him with wide eyes. "Are you nuts? I haven't slept all night and you expect me to go and face Eiri now?"

Tohma tilted his head to the side and said in an even tone, "Of course. I can't let you change your mind now, can I?"

Neo groaned but pushed himself to his feet. "Don't I at least get to take a shower?"

"Ten minutes," that was all Tohma said before closing the door and locking it behind himself.

"Better than nothing, I suppose." He'd be damned if he was going to go see Eiri while looking like crap. He had to stop at one point or risk cutting his throat with his strait-blade do to shaking hands, but in the end he managed to get clean and dressed with little incident. When he finally decided on the blue shirt over the black one and to put his hair up and rather than leave it down he went to the door and knocked. He waited just a moment and it was opened.

"Don't try anything," Grunted the guard in broken Japanese and a heavy American accent.

"I do speak English, you know."

The man just grunted again and pushed him down the hall to where Tohma was waiting with the elevator. The three of them stepped inside and Tohma hit the button for the sublevel garage.

Once they were seated in the car, with the bodyguard driving and Tohma and Neo sharing the back seat, Neo was able to finally ask the question that had been bugging him. "So, what happed after I left?" He hadn't really paid much attention to the reactions to his disappearance. He had only ever checked on how the album had done out of curiosity.

Tohma thought for a moment. "It was nothing less than utter havoc."

Shuichi couldn't help but snort at that, the man even sounded harassed by the memory. Shuichi almost broke into a smile at the thought of Tohma pulling his hair out in frustration.

"There was a huge investigation and the media had a field day. There were countless rumors that you had either been abducted or murdered." Tohma paused for a moment and cast a sidelong look at Shuichi before speaking again in a quieter tone. "The incident with Ask was dragged into the light and they were taken in for questioning." Shuichi paled a little, but didn't say anything at that. Tohma half wondered whether it was at the memory of what happened or the fate that everyone now knew that it had happened.

"For your friends and family it was devastating. Hiro and Suguru both became suspects as well as Eiri and countless others. Your mother almost had a nervous breakdown wondering if you were even alive." He saw Shuichi flinch, but didn't stop. "I had my people working day and night to locate you. Once that was done I was able to quietly put the investigation to rest."

Tohma sighed deeply and he gave Neo an almost understanding look. "I never revealed what I discovered about your location to anyone. I even went so far as to see that the police records were sealed on grounds of your personal privacy. It was released that your whereabouts were known and that you were safe, but that was it.

"The band, your family, Eiri, they all took it hard. But even as much as I wanted to, I never said a word. I think they all knew that I knew where you were. I carried bruises for weeks after your sister came and demanded I tell her what I knew." He grabbed his jaw at the memory. He wanted to ask the younger man why he had not stayed in touch with his family or at least let them know he was okay, but he had decided long ago that Shuichi's relationship with his family wasn't his business.

After a moment of thought Shuichi spoke up. "Then how does Ryuichi know?" Neo asked accusingly.

Tohma couldn't help but chuckle. "How does Ryuichi find out anything that he knows? I know that you are more than aware of his true nature. You are one of the few people who can see who and what he really is."

Neo turned back to the window. "Yeah. He never fooled me with that act. There were times when he looked at me and it was so intense that it was frightening. It was like he was looking straight into my soul and could see my every thought. He did that to me once right before I left and I got the feeling that he knew exactly what I was planning." Neo shivered as he remembered that intense look. It had been burned into his soul; those blue eyes dissecting him and feeling all of his secrets laid bare with just a look.

"He did." Neo snapped his head back around at Tohma. "He came to me the day of the album release. It was just hours before we realized that you were missing." Tohma pulled off his hat and bushed his fingers through his hair before looking Shuichi in the eye. "He asked me what I thought about signing a new band. I, of course, didn't understand what he was talking about. He simply said that I should start thinking about buying into American music. He said it would help fill the slot left empty by Bad Luck."

Tohma shrugged absentmindedly and looked away from the younger man again. "I thought he was just in one of his moods and passed it off, saying that I had no intention of releasing Bad Luck's contract. He left after that, telling me to just think about it."

Shuichi dropped his head back against the seat. "That guy really is something else."

"To be certain." Tohma said succinctly and put his hat back on seeing that they were almost to their destination.

The car slowed down and pulled into an all too familiar parking garage. It was only then that Neo realized that Tohma had managed to not tell him what he really wanted to know. What had happed to Eiri?

Neo felt a harsh emptiness drain him of his emotions as they made the short trip up to the same penthouse apartment that he had once shared with his former lover. He didn't really pay any attention to his surroundings as he followed the taller man he was too numb and lost in thought. He stopped Tohma just before they reached the door by grabbing his arm. "Just what do you hope to gain from this today?"

Tohma sighed and looked anywhere but at the younger man. He really didn't want Shuichi to see how much it bothered him to think about what Eiri had turned into. "He has been little better than a zombie since you left. He almost never leaves the apartment, he has been drinking more, and he smokes more. In the beginning we, Mika and I, had to force him to eat and rest." Tohma wanted to pull away, but he resisted the urge. He had forced Shuichi here and he deserved to know what he was walking into.

"What I hope to gain is my brother back." He gently shook off Neo's arm and hit the buzzer for the door.

There was a short silence and Tohma hit it again. A cold voice erupted from inside, "I'm coming already, damn it." Shuichi could hear further muttering, but was unable catch what was said.

The door swung back and Neo felt his heart leap into his throat, but Eiri didn't look at him; he hardly even looked at Tohma before turning around and walking back inside.

The two musicians followed him inside sliding off their shoes at the door, though Neo's pace was notably slower than Tohma's.

"What do you want, Seguchi. I was working."

"I'm sorry, Eiri, but I felt it was rather important or I wouldn't have disturbed you."

Eiri grunted and crossed to the couch and flopped down. It was only then that he noticed Neo. It was only a passing glance, but Neo felt that gaze heavily. "Who's your friend?"

"This is Neo Zolton. He is the singer in the band Seven Sins."

Neo looked sideways at Tohma. He had not expected him to be evasive about his identity.

"And, just why is he here?" It was then that Eiri picked up his cigarettes and caught one between his lips pulling it free of the pack. He tossed the now empty pack back on the table and flicked open the lighter. He didn't make it as far as striking the lighter when he looked from the Zippo in his hand up to Neo and back again. "Oh, so you really did want your lighter back."

"Not exactly." He watched Eiri hold the flame to the end of the cigarette and take a deep draw.

"Good, because I am rather attached to it. Why did you bring him here, Seguchi?" he asked without looking away from the brunette.

Tohma was already walking back towards the door. "The two of you have a great deal in common. I think it would be a very good idea if you had a talk." He exited looking back only long enough to give them both a reassuring smile.

Eiri groaned ever so slightly and let his head drop back on the couch. "So, what, you're here to cheer me up, seduce me maybe? That guy never gives up."

Neo didn't quite know what to do with himself. He crossed the room slowly and sat down in an empty seat while looking around. The whole apartment looked so different; it had been totally redecorated. "I like what you've done with the place," he said almost shyly.

Eiri snorted. "What, small talk? Do us both a favor and leave. You can tell Tohma whatever you want, but I am really not interested and I don't care what he is paying you."

"I'm not being paid."

Eiri finally looked up at that. "Really? So he didn't offer you a recording contract or some such nonsense?"

"No, as a matter of fact NG already holds my contract through LA Reform."

"Ah, so he threatened to cancel you?"

"No, but I did come here at his request. Just not for the reason you think."

Eiri crushed out his cig and looked at Neo. "Well then enlighten me. Why are you here?"

"To make a confession."

"About?"

Neo fidgeted for a moment and then slipped his coat off his shoulders and put it

behind him on the chair. He then got up and began to pace slowly around the room.

"If you're trying to annoy me then you are going about it the right way," Eiri grumbled lighting another smoke.

That caused Neo to pause. It was too familiar, too like how he remembered Yuki. "Sorry." He crossed back to his chair and sat down again. He took several deep breaths trying to calm himself.

"Will you calm down? You'd think you were trying to confess undying love."

Eiri chuckled, but Neo looked up and, for the first time since entering the apartment, met Eiri's eyes with his own. What could he say to make Eiri understand? How did he reveal himself to this man who still held his heart in his hands? How could he even bring himself to confess his identity? He silently fought with himself before speaking. "You really haven't changed at all. Have you, Yuki?"

"…"

The silence seemed to stretch on for ages as reality compiled itself in Eiri's brain. Neo didn't know how long they sat there with their eyes locked together. He really didn't care. All that mattered in that moment was the heart wrenching emotions that played in those golden eyes; fear, disbelief, anger, and finally recognition.

Neo felt himself falling into those golden depts. He wanted wipe away all the confusion on Eiri's face, but he couldn't move.

"Shuichi?"

That one word was just enough to snap Neo out of his reverie and he looked to the floor. The words, 'I can't do this,' flashed through his mind and he grabbed his coat up and dashed toward the door without a second thought.

He hadn't made it ten paces before he was grabbed around the waist and tackled from behind causing him to hit the floor with a grunt. Eiri sat back on his knees just long enough to grab his shoulder and flip him over. He landed on his back hard and Eiri effectively pinned him to the floor by straddling his hips. He finally opened his eyes again, not knowing just when he had closed them, only to meet the angrily burning ones of his one time lover.

"It is you. You fucking came all this way, sat there right in front of me, and now your just going to run away again? Fuck that. What, did you want to rub it in my face? Or were you trying to rip my heart out a second time?" Eiri shook him hard and Neo felt his head make contact with the floor.

Lights burst behind Neo's head at the impact and it took him several seconds to come back to his senses.

The extreme nature of Eiri's anger caused him to pause. He felt pleas for forgiveness, desperate apologies, and confessions of love all trying to spill from his lips, but at the same time he could forget everything that had happened. The old familiar pain of loss welled up inside him and he gritted his teeth. He wouldn't let everything he had worked towards over the last six years go to waste. He had a new life, independence, and a backbone now. He was no longer a sniveling brat that needed to rely on someone else for every little thing.

His eyes hardened and he glared up at the man on top of him. "Get off of me."

Neo's words were so devoid of emotion that Eiri was too shocked to do anything but comply.

Neo stood up and brushed himself off before looking back at the blond. "That is pretty fucked up shit, coming from you. I came here today because Tohma didn't give me a choice. He literally kidnapped me to get me to come here. If I had my way then we both would have lived out our lives never having to see each other again. You made it more than clear that you wanted nothing to do with me before I left."

"What the hell are you talking about, Shuichi? I had finally came to terms with the fact that I loved you and you walked out without so much as a by your leave."

Neo could see the tears trying to well up in his former lover's eyes, but he was strangely unmoved by them. Had he really become so cold? He shook his head. "You didn't say more than two words to me from the time you got back from New York to the time I left. Yeah, that just screams 'undying love' to me."

"Yes, I admit that I was a little fucked up right then, but I was coming to terms with some serious shit. After everything we had been through, I thought you understood that. You're the one who said I was never going to get away from you. I thought you were giving me time."

Neo sighed before crossing the room back to his chair. It gave him time to think and he really needed to sit down. He slumped back down and put his head in his hands. "For six months I waited. I shared your bed, I let you fuck me, and I waited. Every day I hoped you would say something to me. I watched you grow more and more distant. I watched as you worked yourself ruthlessly day and night. All the time, I was hoping that I would get a 'good morning' or a 'welcome home.' All I wanted was to be acknowledged as part of your life, but more than ever before I felt like an unwanted guest. Towards the end I would stay gone for days and you didn't notice. I stopped trying to be there, I stopped reaching out and you didn't notice." He had hadn't moved and he hadn't looked up, but at he paused to think he could hear Eiri take a few tentative steps toward him.

"Everything was going to shit. I couldn't write the lyrics that everyone wanted me to write anymore. Even Tohma told me that I had gone to shit and to get my act together. He said that I was unmarketable like that. One day I just snapped. I told them all to go to hell. When I came back here you weren't home. I was standing in the kitchen with I knife to my wrist before I realized what I was doing. I didn't want to die, but I couldn't go on like I was. So I left. I thought that I was doing both of us a favor by disappearing."

There was a long silence between them before Neo could bring himself to look up. Eiri's face was stoic but a steady trail of tears were falling, unnoticed, from his eyes.

"I loved you with everything that I was and when there was nothing left to give I had to… If I hadn't left that day… If I hadn't come to my senses… you would still have come home to an empty apartment, but I wouldn't be here today explaining why. I can't live just for you anymore."

Neo reached behind him and gabbed his coat before standing up and pulling it back on. He turned and looked at the man who had once meant everything to him and still held his heart. "I've done what I promised Tohma I would do. Now I am going back home. Maybe this time I'll really be able to move on from you. Goodbye, Eiri."

He made his way to the door slowly only pausing for a moment when he heard an incoherent cry and something shatter against the wall, but he couldn't bring himself to turn back. He slipped on his shoes and left without another word.

-

Well then that was more than just a little depressing to write.

So? Too much? Not enough? There's still more to come.


	7. Chapter 06

**No Escaping Fate**

Warning: I am not going to be pulling any punches with Ryuichi. I in no way believe that his childlike attitude is anything more than a façade.

English will be underlined from now on unless otherwise stated at the beginning of the section.

**Chapter Six**

Neo made it to the elevator in an empty haze. His mind was filled with a thousand contradicting thoughts and the fact that he had just walked away from the man he loved… again… was burning a hole in his soul.

'He's better off without me. All I ever did was bring him pain anyway. Hell, he probably never even really loved me,' but as soon as he thought it a little voice in the back of his head spoke up.

'Really? If he didn't love you then why is he still pining for you? If he doesn't love you then why was he hurt when you walked away just now? If he is better off without you then why do you feel like…'

"Shut up!" Neo pressed his hands to his ears in a futile attempt to block out the voice. When the doors to the elevator opened he took off running. He wasn't the least bit surprised when Tohma's car was not there so he just kept running.

It could have been seconds, hours, days, or years before he finally stopped clutching the stitch in his side. Everything hurt; his chest, his lungs, and his heart. He wanted to curl up into a ball and forget everything that had just happened. He had buried this pain for so long and now it was a fresh wound all over again.

He collapsed onto the nearest bench and only then realized that he had run strait into the park. He sighed and buried his head in his hands. He had nowhere to go and no one to turn to. Part of his mind reminded him that all of his things were still at NG, but going there meant facing Tohma and right now that was not something he wanted to do.

He still knew a lot of people in Japan, but facing any of them right now was not something he was up to either. After a few more minutes of self-debate he vaguely remembered Tohma handing him his cell phone back.

He searched his pockets and pulled out the phone, but stopped. This was not his phone. He flipped open the cover only to have a piece of paper fall out into his hand.

_Shuichi,_

_I took the liberty of having your cell replaced. I did not believe it prudent for you to be paying overseas charges when you _will_ be staying in Tokyo for a while. You will find all of your old contact numbers have been added as well as those of a few individuals that you would find it prudent to contact._

_I have no doubt that your first meeting with Eiri with be rough, but that is not the end of this tail. You know me well enough to know that I will be keeping tabs on you. If you try and leave Tokyo you will find yourself back under lock and key. Do not try to threaten me, as I know you will not go to the press or the police._

_I have arraigned a suite for you at the Tokyo Grand (1); all of your things have already been moved there. _

_Do not hesitate to call if you need me,_  
_Seguchi Tohma_

"What an utter bastard."

By the time he was done reading the message Neo remembered just how tired he was. He got up and managed to make the short walk back out of the park and hail a cab, happy that he had plenty of yen on him because he really didn't want to walk that far. It was a short ride to the hotel and he gave the driver a large tip for making it shorter. It was fortunate that Tohma had already had him checked in and it was a short stop by the front desk to pick up his key.

He didn't even glance at the room when he walked in. He simply striped and fell into bed.

-

Neo didn't know how much latter it was when he woke, but he still felt drained. He managed to keep his mind at bay until he had showered and gotten changed into fresh clothing. He thought briefly about ordering room service, but his stomach rolled at the idea of food. Instead he made his way to the mini-bar and pulled out several of the small bottles.

He wanted to be drunk before Tohma had the chance to show up or send someone. A couple of hours and several of the little bottles latter the inevitable knock came, but when he had managed to stumble to the door it was not Tohma or even a lackey on the other side.

"Sakuma-san?" Neo blinked once at his idol and one time friend and then stumbled back to his bed before collapsing on the tangled sheets.

"You didn't waste any time did you?" Neo felt the bed dip beside him and he rolled over to look at the other man.

"Did Tohma send you?" His speech was slightly slurred and he felt slightly nauseous. The room seemed to tilt and spin around him at he looked up at the older man. "I think I drank too much."

"No Tohma did not send me and I think you're right."

Neo felt a cool hand brush his hair out of his face and he leaned into the comfort that it provided. "You knew all along, didn't you? Must be sickic- psysis- no um… you know can read peoples minds and see the future." Neo giggled and rolled onto his back.

"I think you mean psychic, but no I'm not."

Neo looked up at him through glassy eyes. "Really?"

"Really. I am just good at reading people."

Neo sighed, "I never thought that you were crazy or stupid like everybody said."

Ryuichi chuckled softly, "I have always found it easier to let people believe what they want. By playing along with them people tend not to take me seriously and thus don't bother raising their guard around me. It can be quite advantageous if I want to know something, like where you were staying for instance."

Neo giggled again. "I always knew you were way more clever than Tohma, but not near as cruel or scheming."

Ryuichi shook his head and stood up. He made short work of stripping Neo down to his boxers and t-shirt so he wouldn't get tangled in his clothes and tucking him into the bed. "Tohma isn't cruel he's ambitious, but he will do almost anything to get what he wants and protect those he cares about."

"No matter the price others have to pay." No matter how dunk he had been a moment ago, Neo suddenly felt very sober. "Why did he do this? I was finally getting my life back under control and now I feel like I am back at square one." He pulled himself up in the bed and met Ryuichi's intense gaze with one of his own.

The older singer sighed and sat back down on the foot of the bed after shedding his coat. "I don't believe you had really moved on anymore than you do. You were just as lost the day you returned to Japan as the day you left it. Sure you had made pretty good headway in starting a new life, but you weren't over anything. You love Yuki just as much now as you did then or else it wouldn't hurt this much, now would it?"

Neo was suddenly struck with just how intuitive Ryuichi was. It was a rare thing to see the man's eyes harden into seriousness, but hearing those words brought it home for Neo. "I can't go back to him. I can't survive all that again. It was too close a call last time."

Neo felt the last of his resolve breaking and the tears that he had wanted to cry for so long really broke free. This wasn't the short soft trickle it had been when he read the book, no this was an all out sob. He became so lost in his emotions that he almost didn't feel the arms that wrapped around him. He didn't feel the gentle rocking or hear the comforting words.

It was an hour before Ryuichi felt the body in his arms relax and the breathing even out into sleep. He laid Shuichi down into the bed and watched the younger man curl up on his side around a pillow before he slid the blanket up to Shuichi's shoulder. It was painful to see the younger man so defeated. He wanted nothing more than to wrap the young man up and protect him from the cruel world that fated him to love such a man as Uesugi Eiri.

Ryuichi cursed his own weak heart as he watched the lines of tension that even sleep could not erase from Shuichi's face. This was the face that haunted his dreams. He couldn't pinpoint when his affection for the younger man had grown into something more, but he knew that he would give anything just to see Shuichi happy again.

He bent and placed a chaste kiss on the unresponsive lips before standing up and walking to the door. He paused and turned before exiting, "I don't care what it takes, but I _will_ see you sparkle again, Shuichi, my love."

-

When Neo woke again it was to bright sunlight and a pounding in his head echoed by a pounding on the door. He wanted nothing better than to pull the blankets back up and hide in them until the world came to an end, but whoever was at the door was having none of it so he slowly stood and stumbled across the room.

He yanked open the door, ready to yell at whoever was on the other side. His words were forgotten though when he came face to face with his former best friend. He wasn't sure just what to say and so backed up a step and let Hiro pass him into the room. He closed the room behind him and followed the redhead into the sitting room.

Hiro looked fidgety and unsure of himself. It was an odd look for the usually confident man. "You look different. If I didn't know better, I wouldn't have recognized you."

"Yeah well a lot of things have changed." Neo took a few steps closer to him and suddenly found himself in a bone-crushing hug.

He was taken aback at first, but the strong arms felt good around him and he reveled in the comfort Hiro was giving him.

Finally Neo sighed and pulled back so that he could look up at Hiro. "I take it that I owe this blessed reunion to Seguchi-san?"

"The one and only. I'm glad he did though, I really missed you Shu." Hiro kept his arms around Neo almost as if he were afraid that the other man would vanish again if he let go.

"Well I can't say that I am surprised. He seems to be willing to do just about anything to keep me here at this point." The mood noticeably darkened when he said this and he shrugged out of Hiro's hold and headed to the couch to sit down gesturing for Hiro to do the same.

Hiro looked nervous, but Neo let it pass. He looked around the room trying to find a distraction and found one when his stomach rumbled. He grimaced a little and rolled his eyes at Hiro when he saw the other man give him a knowing look.

"Um, I was still asleep when you started knocking, mind if I order something from room service? Do you want something?"

Hiro just shook his head, silently answering both questions.

Neo turned to the phone on the side table and pushed the speed button for room service. He caught the sight of the clock and realized he was too late for breakfast and so told them to just bring him whatever the lunch special was. He didn't care; he doubted he would taste whatever he ate anyway. Besides the special would be ready now and he would have to wait that long for it.

When he hung up the phone and looked back at his friend he noticed the calculating look. Hiro was always too smart for his own damn good. "What?"

"So, care to tell me just what happened?"

Neo sighed and cracked his neck. He instantly regretted it as it caused his head to give a painful throb. He stood, walked to his bag sitting on the table and dug until he found the prescription for his migraines. Dropped the bag onto the floor next to the bedroom door after finding the bottle of pills. He crossed back to the tabled and picked up a half empty bottle of water that he couldn't remember opening, but shrugged and swallowed two of the pills. He then leaned on the edge of the table facing his guest.

"There really isn't much to tell. Tohma has probably already given you the important details. I left, went to America, wrote some songs, learned English, started a band, sold some records, and went on tour. Now I am here." He shrugged and looked up at his friend.

Was Hiro still his friend?

They sat there for several minutes just looking at each other, both lost in thought. The silence was broken by a knock and a call of 'Room service.' Neo let them man in and retrieved his wallet while the food was set out on the table. He handed the man a tip and let him show himself out.

He sat down and began to pick at the noodle dish, not really paying attention to what he was eating.

Hiro sighed, got up, and moved to sit next to his friend. After a few minutes hesitation he spoke up, "I never thought that there would be a time when you felt like you couldn't talk to me or a time when I wouldn't listen. For that I am sorry. You kept trying to tell me that you were losing it and I kept brushing it off, didn't I? I guess that I was too caught up in my own little world."

Neo looked up from his food and gave his friend a sad smile. Yeah, maybe Hiro was still his friend, even after leaving like he did. "I never blamed you for not listening. I was a bit of a mess back then and I always tried to push my problems onto other people. I shouldn't have tried to make my problems with Eiri yours to begin with." He set down his chopsticks and took a sip of the tea that had come with his meal.

He looked down at his plate. He had only finished about half the food, but he really wasn't that hungry to begin with, regardless of the fact that he hadn't eaten that much in the past few days. His last real meal had been the day of the concert. Was that really only two days ago?

He put the cover back over the dish and picked up his tea. He gestured for Hiro to follow him and he moved back to the couch. Hiro sat next to him and after setting down his cup he leaned into Hiro's side. There was just something about this man that always broke down his barriers. Hiro could always see through his fake smiles and get him to talk about it, get him to cry when he needed to.

Maybe that was why it had hurt so badly when the redhead had stopped listening, but he still couldn't blame him.

They sat that way for several long moments and then Hiro pulled away enough to look Shuichi in the eye. The words seemed to come out of nowhere and it took Neo a moment to catch up with what Hiro was saying.

"But they were my problems, too. You were, no _are_, my best friend and I knew good and well that you relied on me when you needed someone to talk to." Hiro ran a hand through his hair in frustration. "Yeah I was mad when you left, but I was more mad at myself for not listening. If I had gotten my head out of my ass, then maybe you wouldn't have felt the need to leave in the first place. Not that I still don't want to throttle you."

Neo felt the urge to laugh. It was nice to know that some things never changed. "I felt bad at first, but somehow I managed to convince myself that you and everyone else didn't care and would be better off without my problems."

Hiro swatted Neo on the head, "Baka, of course we weren't better off without you. It has been shit around here without you!"

'Damn, I missed my friend,' Neo thought and a wave of pain washed over him. He had hurt everyone so badly. He had done to them what Yuki had done to him. That thought triggered something in him and Neo buried his face in Hiro's chest letting the tears come.

"Why, Hiro? I don't understand. When I got back from New York I thought that it was going to be better and he just pushed me away again. I couldn't do it anymore, I wanted to love him and him to love me…" A horrible sob wracked Neo's body. He sat there just letting Hiro hold him for a long time.

Eventually he realized what he was doing and pulled back to look Hiro in the eye. "I'm doing it again. It might as well have been yesterday. Here you are and all the sudden I am relying on you like always. You haven't yelled at me and you don't even seem upset at what I did to you. I left and I didn't even say goodbye. How can you forgive me so quickly?"

Hiro pulled him tight against his chest again and held him there. "You're my best friend. You have been since we were kids. I love you, Shuichi, and nothing you do is going to change that." Hiro sighed and after a moment spoke again, "Not that I wont beat the shit out of you later for pulling that stunt and worrying us."

Neo giggled at that, but sobered again quickly. He realized that for the first time in a long time he didn't feel a twinge of pain when hearing his name. For the first time in a long time he actually felt a bit like Shuichi again.

Suddenly the past six years didn't matter. He had his friend and confessor here next to him. He understood now that it had been a mistake to cut his friend off like that, but he was grateful Hiro was there. Hiro was listening now and right then that was all that mattered.

"I'm so confused Hiro. I still love him, but I can't go through that again."

Hiro slowly rocked his friend. He knew that in the days to come he and Shu would have it out over his leaving, but for now he was content to have his best friend back. "It'll be okay. We'll figure it out. I promise."

-

(1) Tokyo Grand: I made this up.

So? Too much? Not enough? There's still more to come.


	8. Chapter 07

**No Escaping Fate**

Thanks to ashcat for giving me a hand with the chapter.

**Chapter Seven**

It took Neo about half an hour to cry himself out and he was left feeling drained again. He had cried more in the last few days then he had cried in the whole of the last six years. He remembered once telling Eiri that he was cool because he had not cried in six years, but now he understood how the man felt. It really was painful after so long.

He couldn't really remember when Hiro had left, but he knew it had been well into the small hours. He was glad that he was alone right then though because he didn't think he could handle the company. He had fallen too easily back into the habit of pushing his problems onto his friend.

He had woken a few hours ago and really had no motivation to get up and move around, but once again fate had other things in mind. He let out a soft regretful moan when he heard a polite knock on the door. He thought about ignoring it, but knew it would do him no good. People just didn't seem to want to leave him alone lately. He rolled out of bed and made his way to the door, no longer caring that he looked like shit.

Neo pulled open the door and didn't even blink when he saw Tohma standing there. He waved the man in without a word and plopped down on the couch after closing the door. "Here to give me another heartfelt lecture about my abysmal outlook on life and my awful treatment of your beloved brother?"

'Damn, I'm whining, but I really don't feel like dealing with him right now.'

Tohma sat down across from him and crossed his legs. "No, I came here to give you a swift kick in the ass. You are the biggest damn fool I have ever met, Shuichi. This is the second time you have made the mistake of walking away without once thinking about  
what you were doing to Eiri."

"Bullshit. He is better off just getting over me. You said it yourself that I was bad for him and all I ever did was hurt him. You cannot think that I am any better for him now than I was then." Neo was pissed, but managed to keep his voice even, if just barely. He really didn't like this man no matter what Tohma may have done for him in the past.

Tohma looked shamefaced and it caused Shuichi to wonder at the sudden array of emotion that this man could display. Tohma was known for his calm smiles even in the worst of times.

"I was wrong, Shuichi. I admit that I was wrong."

Neo only glanced away for a second, but when he looked back Tohma had his calm mask back in place. "And that is supposed to make it better?"

Tohma sighed, "I made a mistake, and I am sorry. However, I am not the one who took away what you had with your lover."

Neo gritted his teeth and cracked his neck. "No, we managed to do that just fine on our own. I refuse to take all of the blame here. He damn well could have said something to me… anything to me and I wouldn't have left, but every time I tried he just pushed me away."

Neo leaned forward and brushed both hands through his hair in frustration. "I am only human, Tohma. I cannot survive on hopes and dreams. I'll admit that I still care, that I still love him even, but I cannot fight that battle again. I'm not the same kid I was. I'm not so naïve as to believe that love can surpass anything."

Bitter sorrow washed over him and he bit his lip to keep from crying. He refused to show any weakness to this man. "Love is not enough this time."

Tohma was upset with himself. He had forgotten that Shuichi had been hurt too, or maybe he hadn't even stopped to think about that. Eiri had been the center of his thoughts and when the chance had presented itself Tohma had jumped on it. He knew that Shuichi had become bitter and cold, but he had convinced himself that if he could just get the two men together in the same room then… then what? Had he really thought it would be tender apologies and happily ever after?

'When did I become a sentimental fool who believes that true love can overcome anything?' Tohma shook his head as a little voice in the back of his head answered his question. 'Since the day you saw the way that Eiri looked at Shuichi.' He steeled himself for a fight, but he had to believe that the two men would work it out… he had to.

Neo watched Tohma stand after a long silence.

"I will allow that you need time to think. What you have been through in the last week has been a trial to say the least, but don't take too long. I have never been a patient man and I believe that I have managed to be about as tolerant with you as I can stand. I'm not going to let you just walk away again."

As the door closed behind the blond Neo wiped a single tear from his face. He wanted to be angry, but right then everything hurt.

Neo didn't know whether to cry, yell, or laugh. He had just spent an hour on the phone with Dick and the man assured him that everything was under control. The welcome home tour had been postponed indefinitely, and the band members had all been sent home for the time being. The album was to be released on time and all of Neo's personal interests were being taken care of.

Everyone had been told that he was staying in Japan temporarily for personal reasons.

Tohma had wrapped up Neo's life in one neat little move. The only one who might be wondering about him right now was Rick, but Neo didn't think he was emotionally prepared for that conversation. After all Rick had been helping Tohma for who knows how long. At least since they had come to Japan.

'As if my life wasn't fucked up enough to begin with.'

Neo lay down on the couch and stared at the ceiling. It had been two days since had had been forced to face Eiri. In that time he had reconciled with his best friend and once again been given a 'pep talk' by Seguchi Tohma.

He hadn't left the suite and he was starting to feel a little stir crazy. At the same time he really didn't have anywhere he wanted to go. He had spent the last several hours puttering around the rooms, but accomplished nothing. He had taken a shower. He had pulled out his mp3 player in hopes of distracting himself. The television had been turned off and on numerous times. Various tidbits of formless lyrics had been written into his journal. At some point he had ordered something from room service, but he hadn't paid attention to what it was. He had eaten it only to stop the cramping in his stomach.

He had only called Dick because he wanted to check on things. He hadn't really expected Tohma to leave any loose ends, but nobody was perfect. With Rick on his shit list he really had no one else he wanted to talk to in America.

He had thought about calling Hiro, but decided against it. They had been up late the night before and since it was a weekday he figured that his friend had to work. There were a couple of other people he wanted to call, namely his family, but he still wasn't sure of what to say.

How do you apologize for doing something unforgivable?

Not that he thought that they wouldn't forgive him, but he just… wasn't ready. He wanted to plan it well and try to explain why he had done what he had done. Maybe Tohma could be of some use and set it up for him. It was a thought anyway.

It was starting to get dark outside and his stomach was starting to make itself known again, so he was once again contemplating calling Hiro when someone knocked. "It never ends dose it?" he muttered to himself as he got up.

He made his way to the door and swung the wooden barrier wide. He couldn't decide if he was surprised or not. He remembered a drunken vision about Sakuma Ryuichi coming to comfort him, but he had thought it just a dream until this moment.

"Hey, Shu-chan." The man didn't seem the least bit disturbed by Neo's surprise and let himself in past the only slightly smaller man. "I am glad to see you more sober. You were more than a little out of it last time I was here."

Neo nodded dumbly and barely remembered to shut the door before crossing the room. He sat down slowly across from his idol and stared openly at the brunette. "I… um… why are you here?"

Ryuichi laughed, "I'm here to make sure you are alright, silly Shu-chan. Kumagoro was not very happy with me when I told him how you were when I left you. He insisted that we come and check on you tonight and he said that if you were still sad that we must find a way to cheer you up!" Ryuichi held the pink bunny in front of Shuichi's face and made a little kissing sound as he touched its little plastic nose to Shuichi's. "Kumagoro loves Shuichi and was very upset when he left and didn't not say goodbye, but I told Kuma-chan that Shu-chan was hurt very bad and needed time to think away from all the things that were hurting him."

He could not suppress a slight smile at the older singer's attempts to cheer him up. "Oh, and just what did Kuma-chan have in mind to cheer me up?"

For just a second Ryuichi's eyes flashed with a more serious light, but then it was gone again. "You and I are going out." He said it like it was the most natural thing in the world.

"Really, just you and I? What about Kuma?"

Ryuichi looked horrified, "No, no, no! It would keep Kuma-chan up way past his bedtime. So now Shuichi needs to go get ready, because there is a car waiting for us down stairs!"

There was such a bright and hopeful smile on the man's face that Shuichi couldn't find it in him to say no.

Ryuichi had taken him to a quiet little restaurant where there weren't many people and the food was good. Really it did feel good to be out, but at the same time he kept being distracted by his thoughts. Once Kuma-chan had been 'put to bed' back in the hotel room the more serious side of Ryuichi had reemerged and Shuichi had been struck by the stark contrast.

The man seemed like two different people wrapped up in one package. This Ryuichi was the man who had helped him to bed the other night and comforted him when he had broken down. This was the man that could draw millions of fans to his side with a single look. This Ryuichi sent chills down Neo's spine.

Dinner had been mostly quiet with little more said than was required to order and comment on thewonderful food. After the plates had been cleared they continued to sit and enjoy the quiet atmosphere and good wine.

"I really miss it," the sudden admission startled Neo from his thoughts. He looked at his companion and the deep blue gaze that looked backed seemed to pierce his soul.

"What do you miss?"

Ryuichi looked down into the deep red wine and his fingers started tracing the rim of the glass before he began speaking again. "Your sparkle. When I close my eyes…" he said closing them, "I can see you on the stage, shining with a light so bright that it almost hurts to look at you, but when I open them again…" He opened his eyes, looking at Neo, but his words trailed off and he lowered his gaze.

Neo felt a lump in his throat, but he swallowed past it and asked the inevitable question, "What happens when you open them?"

Ryuichi looked back up and Neo barely caught his gasp at the sight of tears trying to fall from those beautiful eyes. "I open them again and I want to cry. I want to scream and rage at the world for stealing that light away from you. What was once so bright now seems dull and tarnished. I can hardly stand the pain I see there where once you only knew joy."

Neo felt the lump in his throat swelling. He coughed trying to clear the tightness in his chest, but the pain did not ease. "It came back before and it will again. I just need more time."

Ryuichi's gaze darkened, "Time will not heal this wound. Trying to hide from this kind of pain only feeds it, Shuichi. I have watched you from the shadows since the day I met you. Even when you left I watched you." Ryuichi paused for just a second and Neo could almost feel the weight of Ryuichi's gaze as it traveled across his face.

"I followed your every moved and I watched as you fed the pain and gave it strength. You have only become dimmer since you left, not brighter. Now that you are here again and have faced what caused you that pain you are dimmer still. If you keep trying to hide, the light will soon go out altogether."

Neo drew in a deep hissing breath. Ryuichi had lowered his gaze once again to his glass and Neo could almost feel the man's sorrow. It hurt to hear those words coming from this man, but even as Ryuichi spoke them Shuichi knew them to be true. "I don't know how to…"

Ryuichi shook his head and cut Shuichi off. "You cannot fix something that is beyond repair. Instead you must rebuild."

Shuichi looked at him with confusion-clouded eyes and the older man sighed.

Ryuichi leaned in toward Shuichi until they were only a hair's breath apart. "Let me lead you back into the light."

In an instant the distance was closed and all the confused thoughts disappeared. Suddenly what Ryuichi had been saying made a lot more sense. Somehow that kiss made Shuichi see the answers. He could not be with Eiri, he could not fix what was beyond repair.  
He had to rebuild, he had to learn to love again.

'This kiss,' he thought, 'is as good a place as any to start.'

-

So? Too much? Not enough? There's still more to come.


	9. Chapter 08

**No Escaping Fate**

Thanks to Ashcat and Trish for betaing this for me.**  
**

**Chapter Eight**

Tap, tap, tap: that was the sound of his life.

For most of the last fourteen years that was the sound that defined him, made him who he was.

Tap, tap, tap: as he hit the keys and wrote about the imaginary lives of imaginary people. There was always a story burning in his brain. There was always a lifetime waiting to unfold within the pages of his next book.

Tap, tap, tap.

He saw them in his dreams. In the stillness of his sleep they came alive and taunted him with their meager existences. They wept for lost loves and betrayals. They shivered with pain and hunger. They begged for mercy and cried out for a happy ending.

He despised them all. Why should he grant them a happy ending when he had been denied his?

Only once had his characters survived the story whole and happy. That wasn't really the end of the story, though, was it? When the ending was over the main character was left broken and crying for what he lost.

There would never be a happy ending. There was no such thing. Not for him.

Tap, tap, tap.

He didn't know when the room had grown dark. The nights and days all bled together. He only moved away from his computer when he had no other choice. He only got up when his body, Tohma, or Mika demanded it.

Except…

Once a week he took a walk. He always went at night. He always went to the same place. He always went for the same reason.

It was the only time when the steady tap, tap, tap of his life was replaced. It was replaced by a steady beep, beep, beep instead.

His hands paused over the keys as he looked at the clock. 'Not yet. I'll leave in an hour.'

-

He wasn't entirely sure what to think as he leaned against Ryuichi's side in the limo. His head was still spinning with the memory of that kiss. The kiss had been sweet, but intense. It had slowly built up until all of his senses had been overloaded by it. That kiss was not like the ones he had shared with Rick, no that kiss had been deeper. It caused his blood to rush behind his ears. He had not felt that way since before New York.

That was the part that disturbed him. Did the fact that Ryuichi could make him feel that way mean that he loved Ryuichi, or did it mean that he had never loved Eiri at all? Was what he felt for them both just very powerful lust?

Ryuichi's arm was wrapped comfortably around his shoulders as they rode, but the closer they got to their destination the more restless Shuichi became. Finally he slipped out from under the arm and started fidgeting with the buttons on his shirt.

Ryuichi looked at his companion with eyes full of concern, "What's wrong Shu-chan?"

Shuichi shook his head and pulled his leather-clad legs up to his chest. The problem was that he was confused. He had always believed in his love for Eiri, even after he knew their relationship was over. He had let himself be consumed by the memory of his lost love. Now the shear magnitude of the possibility that he never loved Eiri at all was... inconceivable.

"You're thinking too hard on this, Shuichi."

Shuichi rested his head on top of his knees and sighed. He couldn't force himself to meet the intense gaze he knew was directed at him. "I know, but it is a lot to think about after all."

Ryuichi watched him for a few moments, taking in all the changes that his friend had undergone in the last few years. The most obvious change was the vocalist's hair. It was no longer bright bubblegum pink, but its natural black and he had grown it long past his shoulders. Shuichi's style of clothing hadn't really changed much. However, Ryuichi had searched Shuichi's open suitcases to find him an outfit while he showered. His search had revealed that instead of bright colors Shuichi now wore dark and earthy hues, lots of black, blue, dark red, forest green, dark purple, and gray. Shu's ears had gathered new piercings, but nothing gaudy. The new style suited him, but even though it was different, it was still completely Shuichi. It didn't matter that he called himself something else half the time now.

Indeed, to Ryuichi, it seemed that Neo was slowly becoming Shuichi again, without him even seeming to notice.

Ryuichi finally shook his head and scooted close enough that he could put his arm back around Shuichi.

The huddled singer didn't move into the embrace as he had done previously that evening, but he didn't pull away either.

"Are you upset because I kissed you?"

Shuichi rubbed his face against his knees, enjoying the soothing feel of the soft leather as it drug across his tired eyes and clean-shaven jaw. At last let out a long breath before answering, "I thought you wanted me to stop thinking about things so much."

"I do, but I don't want you to be miserable either."

Shuichi shrugged his shoulders slightly and rested his forehead in the divot created by his knees. "No, I'm not so much upset as I am confused."

Ryuichi pulled on Shuichi's shoulders and Shuichi finally uncurled enough to lean into the embrace. "What are you confused about? Me or Yuki-san."

The question was whispered into his ear and Shuichi shivered at the sensuality in that voice. He took a deep breath and forced out a husky whisper, "I... uh... I don't know anymore."

Ryuichi put his hand under Shuichi's chin and lifted his face up. He seemed to understand what his friend was feeling better than Shuichi did. "Don't be afraid of this feeling." His mouth slowly descended onto Shuichi's causing him to shiver in the embrace.

There was a shift of bodies and Shuichi soon found himself in Ryuichi's lap with their chests pressed together. Shuichi groaned when Ryuichi grabbed his ass and pulled their hardening groins together. He gasped and pulled back enough to rest his forehead against Ryuichi's. They were both out of breath and Shuichi was trembling.

"You don't know how badly I want to give in to you right now."

Ryuichi put a hand behind Shuichi's neck and pulled him down so that he could rub his nose against that beautiful neck. "Then why don't you?" Ryuichi nibbled at Shuichi's collarbone causing him to whimper.

"I... un god..." He laid his head to the side to give Ryuichi better access and as he did a thought struck him. 'Why can't I gave in? I want this, but at the same time it feels wrong. It was never like this with Rick, so why now? What is it about this man that has me so off balance?' He was drawn out of his thoughts when he felt a hand slipping down the back of his pants.

Shuichi pushed away so quickly that he fell from Ryuichi's lap into the space between their seat and the one facing them. "I'm sorry, but I just can't do this. Not yet."

Ryuichi lower himself down next to Shuichi. "I'm sorry Shu-chan. I didn't mean to be so insistent." He pulled the younger man into his arms and held him until he calmed back down.

Shuichi wasn't really upset. It was just that he had been startled by the realization of what was happening. "It's okay, I'm just so tired," he mumbled against the warm chest. As exhaustion overtook him he felt himself drifting away into sleep.

-

Shuichi couldn't remember getting back to the hotel, let alone getting into bed. The last memory he had from the previous evening was the steady thump of Ryuichi's heart. It seemed that several days with little or no restful sleep had finally caught up with him and his body had taken over from there.

He remembered that they had left the restaurant at about nine and a quick glance at the clock told him that he had been sleeping for just a few short hours. He climbed out of bed and stumbled into the bathroom. After taking care of business he climbed into the shower, letting the hot water sooth the aches that always came from sleeping in an awkward position. He was still so tired.

Shuichi was so engrossed in his shower massage induced bliss that he did not hear the door to the bathroom open. It was a cold rush of air that stole away his nirvana. He jerked up out of his haze and turned around so quickly that he slipped on the slick floor. He would have fallen had it not been for a pair of strong arms catching him. He yelped in surprise and tried to pull away but the arms only pulled him closer until he was being held securely against a bare chest.

It took him a moment to recover himself from his fright. A deep breath and a familiar scent reassured him that he was safe. "What are you doing, Ryu-chan?"

He felt a quiet chuckle rumble through the chest under his cheek and a warm breath ghost across his ear. It caused him to shiver a little and he pulled back enough to look at his companion.

"You were so out of it when I put you to bed that I didn't want to leave you alone. I was reading on the couch when I heard the shower." Ryuichi ran a soothing hand down Shu's back and nuzzled into the damp hair.

"You've been in here for a while so I wanted to check on you. I called out but you didn't answer me. Sorry that I startled you."

Shuichi nodded and rested his head back against that wonderfully firm chest. They stood there for a long time holding each other under the warm spray. Eventually reality set back in for Shuichi, reminding him that he was naked and in the shower with a half dressed Ryuichi. "Um, Ryu-chan, not that I'm not grateful that you checked on me, but I really need you to leave so that I can finish my shower."

He pulled back, but as quickly wished he hadn't because Ryuichi had his most pathetic pout firmly in place.

"But, Shu-chan" Ryuichi whined, "it'll save water if I stay and take my shower now."

Shuichi shivered. 'It's not wrong. I'm not betraying anyone,' he told himself, but another voice answered less confident than the first, 'Are you sure?'

He hated himself for these feelings of uncertainty, but Shuichi could not shake the feeling that he was cheating. Not on Rick, the man who shared his bed from time to time, but on Yuki. Why the hell was he even thinking about the blond?

He slowly extricated himself from Ryuichi's arms. "I'm sorry, but I can't. It doesn't feel right."

Ryuichi looked sad, but he nodded and backed out of the stall anyway.

After he heard the bathroom door close he sagged against the wall for support. 'Ryu's upset. Great, now I feel guilty about that too.'

He finished what he had to do and went back to bed. He would apologize to Ryuichi in the morning.

-

Shuichi woke for a third time in the small hours of the morning. He sat up and watched Ryuichi sleep. He wasn't sure what to think about what was happening between them.

Ryuichi had laid down next to him several hours ago when he heard Shuichi call out from a nightmare. The older man had stayed, holding him until sleep had claimed them both. It had been a wonderful comfort for Shuichi, and he had slept well for several more hours.

He could not deny his attraction to the older man. He had always had a bit of a crush on Nittle Grasper's lead singer, even before he knew he was gay, but now, lying in bed next to him, all he wanted to do was hide.

He didn't love Ryuichi. He couldn't love Ryuichi. His heart belonged to someone else.

He felt stupid for thinking that he had not loved Eiri. Now it seemed as obvious as the light of the dawn that was slowly creeping into the room.

The clock on the bedside flashed over to six o'clock and Shuichi slid out of bed as carefully as he could so as not to disturb Ryu. He grabbed his robe from the bedside chair. He made his way silently into the sitting room of the suite shutting the bedroom door behind him.

He sat down on the couch, pulling his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them. He couldn't understand why he was feeling this now. Sleeping with Rick had never caused him to feel even a twinge of guilt. So why was he feeling guilty now? Was it because he had seen Eiri again? Could it be because he felt something slightly more for Ryuichi than friendship? Was it because he was back in Japan?

He cut off that train of thought, because it wasn't getting him anywhere. Moping was not going to fix his new problem.

He knew he felt enough for Ryuichi to make a go of it, but he also knew that they would both end up being hurt. He would eventually have to go back to America and his band, and Ryuichi had to stay here with Nittle Grasper.

There was always the possibility of relocating Seven Sins to Japan. Tohma had offered them the Japanese album, but Neo didn't know if he could handle being here full time again. He had only been back for a week and already he was hip deep in trouble.

Being here also meant facing everyone that he had left hanging.

Bad Luck had been placed on an indefinite suspension of activity without actually being broken up when he disappeared. Their contract was still valid, but on hold. That much he had found out from Hiro.

Hiro and Suguru had been working as studio artists. They filled in for other bands during practice and recording sessions when one of their own members were sick or injured. Tohma had made sure that the two of them were kept busy and their talents put to use without tying them up with any permanent projects.

Then there was his family. He missed them more than almost anything else he had left behind in Japan, but he wasn't sure he could face them. After he had returned from New York he had been so caught up with his relationship problems than he had managed to effectively alienate his family. He had rarely spoken to them, and they had all been there one night, weeks before he left. It had been a fight like the Shindou household had never seen before.

They had accused him of being cold and selfish among many other things, and in the end he had treated them as he had everyone else. He had told them all to go to hell and walked out.

When Tohma told him about how his mother and sister reacted to his disappearance he had felt ashamed of himself. He had let one stupid fight last for six years, and now he wasn't sure if he could even look them in the eye again.

There had been many times that he had wanted to pick up the phone and call them, but with each passing year it became harder and harder until he finally convinced himself that they wouldn't want to hear from him anyway.

'I am so fucked up,' he thought idly as a wave a fatigue washed over him. He thought briefly about getting up and going back to bed, but that only brought his thoughts back to where they had started: Ryuichi.

He finally uncurled from his ball and stretched out on the couch. He would sleep there. If he could sleep at all that was. His mind was so busy that he wasn't sure he would be able to rest.

-

Ryuichi woke to an empty bed and tried to remember why that was significant. He had been sleeping alone for years. He sat up slowly and groaned as his mussels protested the action. It was then that his sleep-muddled brain remembered his friend and he immediately wondered where Shuichi was.

He got up slowly, his joints popping, and began to search for Shuichi. It took him only a few seconds to check the bathroom and walk into the sitting room where he found Shuichi asleep on the couch.

Shu was moaning quietly and thrashing about, caught in what Ryuichi could only guess was another nightmare. He closed the gap between them in a few strides, but as he reached out to give comfort he stopped short. He could now hear clearly what Shuichi was moaning.

"Yuki, please... Yuki, don't go… I love you, Yuki, don't leave me."

Ryu wasn't sure how long he sat there on the floor listening as Shuichi called out for another man with a silent stream of tears running down his face. He had told himself over and over that Shuichi was over Yuki Eiri, he had even believed it. He had told himself that if he was there for Shuichi, if he loved him enough, then his affections would be returned.

He was a fool.

He couldn't deny it any longer. Shuichi would never be over Yuki, because the two of them were made for each other. He wished more than anything that he could be enough to make the younger man happy. He knew that Shuichi would try, but ultimately he would never be happy with him. Not the way that Shuichi was meant to be.

Slowly, as his thought reached their inevitable conclusion, he felt his resolve slip into place. He vividly remembered the promise he had made to himself that day six years ago. It was the day that he had looked into the younger man's eyes and seen him ready to break. He had known that day, probably before Shuichi had known, that he was going to run.

On that day he had promised himself that he would give Shuichi the time he needed. He had known that, one way or another, Shuichi would eventually come home and that when he did he would do whatever it took to bring the light back into Shuichi's eyes.

Yesterday, when Shuichi had looked up at him through those long, black lashes he that believed that he could fill the hole in Shuichi's heart; but he couldn't.

He would still keep his promise though. It would hurt, but he knew now what he had to do. He stood up from the floor and leaned down to kiss the now more peacefully sleeping man on his forehead. "I love you enough to let you go," he whispered in Shuichi's ear.

He straitened back up and left to get dressed. He had a lot to do that day and no time to waste.

-

So? Too much? Not enough? Well, there is still more to come.


	10. Chapter 09

**No Escaping Fate **

Unbetaed, I will upload the betaed chapter when I get it back.**  
**

**Chapter Nine**

It had been years since anyone really said anything to Eiri about his weekly ritual. They had stopped asking him why he did it and just excepted the fact that he was going to keep doing it until things ended one way or another.

It was late anyway so it was a bit of a surprise to find Mika sitting in his living room waiting for him when he got home from his 'walk.'

"Why are you still doing this to yourself?"

Eiri rolled his eyes at his sister and hung his coat up by the door as he slipped off the shoes. He barely spared her a glance has he crossed into the kitchen lighting a cigarette.

"What do you want, Mika?" he called over his shoulder.

He heard an exasperated sigh from behind him, but he paid it no mind. He busied himself making coffee while waiting for her inevitable rant.

"You weren't the only one hurt by this, Eiri. That little nuisance managed to worm his way into all of our lives. Shuichi had that effect on people. He could wrap them around his finger with a song and make them love him. When… we were all devastated."

He didn't look at her, he couldn't. He couldn't stand to see the pain in her eyes. She was right though. Shuichi had become so much a part of all of their lives. Since he had been absent they had all found out just how much he meant to them. Even Tohma and Mika still showed signs of missing him.

Eiri physically shook himself from his thoughts. "Was there a point to that little speech?"

"None of us deny that we miss him Eiri, but we have gone on with our lives. It hurts to see you like this, pining away for something that you can't have. This is not your fault. It never was. Shuichi isn't going to come back just because…" Mika hesitated and when her voice came again it was much closer. Eiri almost flinch when her arms wrapped around his waist. "…you still love him."

Mika's head rested against Eiri's back. He let himself take a little comfort from the embrace, but stiffened when she spoke again. "It's time to give up on him."

Eiri snatched away from her so harshly that he almost knocked over the coffee he was making. He turned abruptly and stared his sister down with a crewel gaze. "I will _never_ give up on Shuichi."

Mika closed her eyes and covered her mouth with her hand as she tried to hold back a sob. As a result her next words were strained and muffled. "But why, Eiri? I can barely stand to see you in so much pain."

He turned from her and, forgetting the coffee, walked deliberately away. When he made it to his study he closed the door firmly behind him. He sagged against the wood and finally answered his sister's question knowing she was out of earshot. "Because he didn't give up on me."

-

Shuichi sat up on the couch and groaned. He had been sleeping in an awkward position again. His neck and back were hurting like hell as a result. He put one hand under his chin and cracked his neck with a loud 'pop.'

"Fuck that hurts so good."

He twisted around and sat on the couch properly. He wasn't sure what time it was, but the light coming in from the window was blinding so he knew it had to be around midday.

For the first time since returning to Tokyo he felt refreshed, despite the fact that he was a little sore from sleeping on the couch. He got up and stretched his achy back. He made short work of showering and dressing.

He didn't allow himself to contemplate on Ryuichi's absence much beyond the fact that he was indeed gone. It didn't really matter. The man was very busy after all and had probably gone to work or something. 'Right?'

He didn't have a destination in mind when he grabbed his wallet and key. He knew only that he wanted to get out of the suite. When he stepped out of the hotel he was greeted by bright sunshine, yet the days were turning cooler and he was glad to have remembered a coat.

He didn't worry much about being recognized. Like the week before… ('Has it only been a week?) …he relied on his knowledge of the city to guide him safely.

He soon found himself passing familiar shops and cafes. So many things looked just as he remembered them… yet everything was different. The very heartbeat of the city seemed to have taken on a new rhythm.

After some time he found himself looking up at the neglected façade of what had once been his and Hiro's favorite restaurant. The windows were dark and dusty. The sign had been vandalized. "Nothing ever stays the same."

He was set upon by a sudden melancholy. No nothing ever did stay the same, but if it did then things would stagnate. He wondered if Bad Luck too would have seen its end in the ever-changing ebb and flow of progress.

"Some things aren't meant to last and you and I weren't among them…" He found himself humming to the sudden lyrical inspiration. "We move on, we grow stronger… day by day…"

He continued on down the street as he composed lyrics and rhythms in his head. "The beat of the city, move's us on. Time waits for no man… and now I understand… you and me. Just stop… for a minute. Breath before you speak. Think of the consequences to you and me. You and me."

He found he found his feet stepping to the beat until he was almost dancing down the sidewalk. His mood had lightened significantly with the upbeat tune in his head. By the time he reached his, albeit unknowing, destination he was smiling sweetly. "Damn love songs, they come out of nowhere."

He looked up at where his feet had taken him and sighed. It was inevitable really. Tohma always got what he wanted and some time between opening the door of his suite and arriving at NG, where he now stood, he had given in. If Seguchi wanted Bad Luck back so badly then he would have them.

He stepped into the lobby and headed strait to the elevator.

'But if Tohma wants Bad Luck then plans have to be made to make sure that Seven Sins wont suffer either.'

Shuichi didn't know how they would make it work, yet he had every confidence that they could. He had become a shrewd man during his stint in America. Regardless of the fact that his band had been custom made by Tohma it was Neo who had made it work.

'I'll have to be Shuichi again, wont I?' He tilted his head in though while he waited for his floor. 'Huh. It's kind of weird, but I don't really mind that much. Names don't make the man. Being Shuichi again doesn't mean that I'll stop being Neo. They are both me after all.'

He shrugged to himself slightly as the elevator doors opened. He made the short walk to Tohma's office and waited to the secretary to acknowledge him.

"Can I help you?"

Shuichi glanced down at her name plate before answering, "Yes ma'am, Miss Shusseki. I need to speak with Mr. Seguchi. I am sure he is busy, but if you will just tell him that Shindou Shuichi is here to see him. I'm sure he will make time for me." He gave her his most charming smile and watched her titter before picking up the phone.

It was only a second before she set it down again. "Go right on in, Mr. Shindou."

"Thank you." He winked at her and made haste into the office.

Tohma stood up to greet him when he entered, but Shuichi waved him back down.

"I'm going to get strait to the point here. Eiri and I have no future together, however if you want me to stay in Japan I am willing to work with you." He slid gracefully into a chair and locked Tohma with a meaningful gaze.

"You stop trying to pressure me back into a relationship with Eiri and I will agree to rejoin Bad Luck as Shindou Shuichi."

Tohma wasn't sure how to react. It had not been that long ago that the singer was still adamantly refusing to stay in Japan. He started to speak a few times, but stopped himself. What was he supposed to say to that? "Shuichi, I…"

Shuichi waved a hand to cut him off. "I did some thinking on my way over here today. In truth I wasn't even heading here, I just ended up here. I realized that no matter how much I try to change. No matter how much I try to hide. Japan is and always will be my home."

Shuichi ran a hand back through his hair and looked down from the surprise in those pale blue eyes. "I am not the same man I was six years ago. That Shuichi is dead. I am also not Neo Zolten and no matter how much I try I never will be."

He leaned back in the chair and forced himself to look back up. Tohma looked understanding.

"The fact that I love your brother-in-law is a technicality. I wont let my own fear dive me away from everything I worked so hard for anymore. Bad Luck deserves better than that."

To Shuichi's Surprise Tohma nodded. "I agree. Though I am still a little wary of motives in regards to Eiri, I am willing to make that deal with you. If you and he are meant to be together then you will find on another again on your own."

Shuichi shook his head. "I wouldn't count on it."

Tohma smiled in a knowing way, but said nothing else about the relationship. "If you don't mind my asking; what brought this on?"

Shuichi shrugged, "Who knows. I have always been the type of person who spontaneously figures things out. All the facts just suddenly add up with no conscious help from me. I want this. I never _really_ wanted to give Bad Luck up in the first place. She suffered from my selfish actions and I want to make it up to her."

Shuichi smiled to himself when he realized what he had said. He had started thinking about the band as it's own entity back when he and Hiro had started it. To Shuichi she had always had a life of her own. She was the only woman for him.

"Well if that is the way you feel about it then I see no reason to object. I will make some arrangements and remove the suspension from Bad Luck's contract." Tohma started to write things down on the pad in front of him. "You do realize that this will cause quite a stir, don't you?"

Shuichi stood up and smiled. "You wouldn't have it any other way."

He just caught the smirk pulling at the corner of Tohma's lips as he turned. He paused again before he took two steps though and turned back around. "One more thing." He waited for Tohma to look up from his work. "I want to keep Seven Sins as well."

At Tohma's questioning look he smiled and shrugged. "They will have to move here of course, except for when they are touring. They will also need a new singer. I will, however, continue to produce everything they do." He tilted his head and mentally dared Tohma to challenge him.

He couldn't miss the gleam in Tohma's eyes. "As you wish. It is a pleasure doing business with you again… Mr. Shindou."

-

"So just like that, huh?" Hiro was aggravated.

"What? You don't want to be a part of Bad Luck again?" Shuichi crossed his arms over his chest and smiled challengingly.

Hiro threw his hands in the air in exasperation, turning a full circle and looking back at his friend. "That's not the point, Shu! It has been six years and all of the sudden you are just going to drop your new band? You're just going to pick things up where they left off? It doesn't work that way Shuichi."

Shuichi rolled his eyes. 'And they call me over dramatic?'

Shuichi sat back in his chair and ran his eyes over the long frame in front of him. Hiro really looked almost exactly the same, if a little older around the eyes. "I didn't say it would be easy, but where would be the fun in it if it was?"

Hiro looked down at his friend thoughtfully and scratched his neck. "You really want to do this?"

Hiro's voice held a great deal of apprehension and Shuichi's eyes softened. He stood up and crossed the short distance to his friend. He wrapped his arms around the other man and pulled him into a tight hug. "I'm so sorry I left you, but even I can learn from my mistakes. I mean it, Hiro. I really want to make a go of Bad Luck again."

He pulled away and saw that Hiro was smiling. Hiro hit him playfully on the arm and drew away further. "You could have at least asked me."

Shuichi laughed, "Yes, but then I would have missed the look on your face when I told you."

Hiro jumped at him suddenly and wrapped his arms around Shuichi's neck in a headlock. "Why you little…" He freed up one hand and proceeded to scrub his knuckles against Shuichi's scalp.

They finally broke apart after much pleading from Shuichi and laughing from Hiro. They both plopped down onto the couch. Slowly the laughter subsided into a comfortable, but thoughtful silence.

After several moments Hiro broke it. "You know, Suguru is going to kill you when he hears about this."

Shuichi looked questioningly at his friend. "Since when do you call Fugisaki, Suguru?"

Hiro looked a little sheepish, but was saved from answering when they heard the lock rattle and the front door open. It was just seconds later that said keyboardist entered the room. "He baby, you didn't tell me we were going to have company."

Hiro stood up and in just three strides he took the smaller man in his arms and kissed him. When they finally broke apart and he looked back at Shuichi he couldn't help but chuckle at the shock on his friend's face. "It would be kind of weird calling my lover by his family name."

-

So? Too much? Not enough? There's still more to come.


	11. Chapter 10

**No Escaping Fate**

I will just tell you the primary language at the start of a section and underline the secondary language. Thanks as always to Ashcat.

**Chapter Ten**

-Japanese-

It was weird to be back at NG knowing that Bad Luck was going to be returning to recording. It had been two weeks since he had first spoken with Tohma about pulling the band back off of the shelf. Everyone who mattered had taken the news really well.

Hiro had been right about right about Suguru though. The youngest member of Bad Luck had laid into Shuichi with a verbal attack that would have made a tiger cower. After getting it all off of his chest though the green haired man had calmed considerably and even seemed rather excited about getting 'some real work done.'

Not everything was going so well for Shuichi though. The members of Seven Sins had not taken his news so well. His short trip back to America to make the announcement had been met with resistance and Shuichi had to wonder if the band would be able to survive at all, let alone stand for them to have him as producer. Rick had been his saving grace and had advocated for him, but things with Seven Sins were still up in the air.

Even though he had not made it back into the studio yet; he had been writing lyrics like crazy. The words seemed to flow from his pen. He didn't know what to credit for his sudden bout of inspiration, but chose not to question it either. Suguru and Hiro were already setting some of the better lyrics to music and with any luck Bad Luck would be ready to start recording their first album in six years in a month or two.

The other thing that was bothering Shuichi was that he had still not been able to bring himself to confront his family. He blamed it on the fact that he was staying so busy. Between writing lyrics, meeting with corporate suits, and trying to find a new singer for Seven Sins he was in fact rather busy. However, he could have found the time if he really wanted to. He had managed to make time for his friends after all.

Shuichi shook those thoughts from his head. He would speak to Tohma about setting something up for him.

They had managed to keep everything away from the media so far. The fact that Bad Luck had reconciled and that Neo and Shuichi were the same person; it was all still under wraps. In fact the only thing that had been remarked upon was Neo's continued stint in Japan and Seven Sin's halt in activities.

Everything was moving so fast that Shuichi had to make himself stop from time to time and remind himself that it was all real.

Bad Luck would be practicing today for the first time. Shuichi had to force himself to leave the initial arrangements to Suguru. He himself had become very good at doing it, but the keyboardist was a genius. As a result the three of them had not played together yet.

Shuichi was looking forward to hearing how the song sounded when put together.

As he continued down the hall towards Bad Luck's studio he ran into Ryuichi… literally. Various apologies started to come from the older vocalist, but when he saw whom he had landed on he froze.

Shuichi and Ryuichi had only seen each other a half a dozen times since the night they had gone out. Shuichi knew that the man was avoiding him, it was kind of hard to miss, but he didn't know why.

Ryuichi simply got up and held his hand out to Shu without saying anything. When they were standing face to face the older singer smiled down at him. "Hey."

"Hey, I haven't seen you in awhile." As he said it Ryuichi tried to focus on anything but the smaller man.

"We have both been busy, I am sure." Shuichi wasn't sure if he was more upset or hurt. He knew that Ryu had feelings for him, so he couldn't really fathom why the older man had suddenly backed off. He had been trying not to think about it too much. If nothing else the man had been a good friend when he needed one. So even if there wasn't going to be a 'them' he wanted the man in his life.

"Well, I had better get going. Hiro and Fugisaki will be here soon. Ja mata." Shuichi moved to walk around him, but Ryuichi caught him by the arm.

"Can you stay for just a little while? We are laying down a new track and I would like you to hear it."

Shuichi looked up into those pleading eyes and couldn't say no. "Sure."

Ryuichi had a sad smile as he led Shuichi to Nittle Grasper's studio. It was only a few doors down from Bad Luck's. Ryu pointed at a seat for Shuichi, and introduced him to the mixer, an American named Paul.

Shuichi met Tohma's eyes for just a moment through the glass and the keyboardist gave him a meaningful look before tilting his head toward Ryuichi. Shuichi wasn't sure what that was about, but he didn't think he was going to like it.

The opening cords started and then Ryu's sweet voice filled the room.

_ "And I'd give up forever to touch you  
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow  
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be  
And I don't want to go home right now…"  
_

Shuichi felt the pain in those words. 'What are you telling me Ryu?'

_ "And all I can taste is this moment  
And all I can breathe is your life  
'Cause sooner or later it's over  
I just don't want to miss you tonight…" _

'Is this the way you see me? Is that what you are feeling right now?'

_ "And I don't want the world to see me  
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand  
When everything's made to be broken  
I just want you to know who I am…"  
_

'Who is broken? Are you broken or are you saying that I am? Do I really know you at all?'

_ "And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming  
Or the moment of truth in your lies  
When everything feels like the movies  
Yeah, you bleed just to know you're alive…"  
_

'Oh wow. You really see me don't you? You know all the pain that I've kept hidden for so long. You understand that I can't love you. I'm lying to myself, aren't I?'

_ "And I don't want the world to see me  
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand  
When everything's made to be broken  
I just want you to know who I am…"  
_

During the intermission Ryuichi looked at Shuichi in a way that clearly said goodbye. Not the forever kind of goodbye, but the kind that said he was giving up.

'So this is why he was avoiding me. He knows that I don't love him and he… he isn't going to pursue me anymore. He wants me to have what he knows he can't give me. Can I fix it? Wait… what do I want to fix?'

The course repeated twice, _"I just want you to know who I am…"  
_

As the music faded Shuichi got up and walked out. He leaned against the wall just outside the studio. Their little love affair was over before it had begun. He couldn't really say that it bothered him, much. Not that part anyway. Hell, he wasn't even disappointed. In fact, relieved was more like it. The next time he saw Ryuichi it would be purely as friends. 'But what brought this on?'

What did bother him was to know that Ryuichi felt that way. Ryu loved him enough to… 'to what? To not love me? No that isn't right. He loves me enough to let me go.'

When he heard the door next to him open he expected Ryuichi or even Tohma, but it was Noriko. She didn't say anything at first as she leaned next to him against the wall. After awhile, "He loves you."

Shuichi wasn't startled that she said this. Noriko and Ryuichi were every bit as close and Ryu and Tohma. Not to mention that Noriko was known few being brutally honest. "I know."

"He wanted to be with you, but you still love someone else. For him, it is more important for you to be happy." She put her thumbnail between her teeth and chewed on it thoughtfully. "It would be a shame if his sacrifice was for nothing."

With that she pushed away from the wall and walked back into the studio. All Shuichi could do was watch her leave. When the door was closed he too pushed off the wall and headed to his own studio. "It's a fucking conspiracy," he grumbled.

He entered the studio still grumbling. Suguru and Hiro were talking while Hiro tuned his guitar. They both looked up when the door closed behind Shuichi.

"Hey, what's wrong," Hiro asked flipping his hair behind his shoulders.

Shuichi was quick to change the subject. "Nothing important. Where're K and Sakano?" He stripped off his coat and dumped his bag in an empty chair.

"They had some kind of a meeting. You know them. There is always something to do."

Suguru humphed and hit his lover on the head. "They have a meeting with the producer of Beatific. It is one of the newer music shows. They are setting up an appearance for us. They want our reemergence to be a big deal and showing up on a show like that will get our name back out there quickly. The fact that they are doing everything in their power to keep it a secret will also help."

Shuichi was secretly glad to have the two men back on his side. It wouldn't have been the same without them. Like Hiro and Suguru, K and Sakano had avoided long term projects. When Tohma approached them, they both jumped at the chance to be involved with Bad Luck again.

"So, are you two ready to see if we still have it?" Shuichi's smile was infectious.

Suguru smiled back, "I tried to keep the beat a little darker to go with the lyrics. There isn't nearly as much synthesizer as what I am used to, mostly strings and drums, but it should flow well."

Shuichi nodded. "Yeah, and thanks for that. I am working on some lighter lyrics, but it is going to be difficult to completely revamp my new style."

Hiro waved him off. "Don't worry about it. We were both far too overcritical before. The newer style suits you. Just because they aren't as upbeat as what we are used to doesn't mean that they wont go over well. I for one like them."

"Thanks. Now, lets get some work done."

Suguru typed a few commands into his keyboard and then counted off the beat. Hiro picked up the cord and the music flowed smoothly from fingers and then lips. It was like they hadn't been apart at all.

_ "…Can you help me I'm bent  
I'm so scared that I'll never  
Get put back together  
Yeah, you're breaking me in  
And this is how we will end  
With you and me bent…"_

Shuichi's smile was huge as the music faded. It was still rough, but it was going to be perfect. He was broken out of his joyful musing by a slow steady clap from the door.

"Rick?" Shuichi was nonplused. "What the hell are you doing here?" 

Rick laughed at his friend.  "Our crazy producer decided that Seven Sins should relocate. So here I am. Everybody else should be here in a few days."  


Shuichi felt relief wash over him. He crossed slowly to his friend and hugged him. "Thank you and I'm sorry."  


Rick rubbed his back in a soothing motion. "Hey, I'm the one who made such a fuss about it. I'm just happy to see you smiling, Neo."  


Shuichi laughed and pulled back. "I'm surprised you didn't faint. I was a royal jackass."  


A throat cleared behind them and Shuichi jumped back from Rick. He turned to his band mates and smiled sheepishly. "Hey guys this is Rick. He is one of the members of Seven Sins and a good friend. He doesn't speak Japanese."

Hiro crossed and held out his hand. He spoke in heavily accented yet perfectly understandable English. "It is very nice to meet you, Rick. I am Nakano Hiroshi. Everyone calls me Hiro."  


Suguru stood next to his lover and held out his hand. His English was considerably more broken. "Fugisaki Suguru. Nice meets you."  


Shuichi had to resist the smile. It was nice to finally be better than his friends at something. Especially Suguru.

Rick took each of their hands in turn. "Rick Davis."  


Shuichi turned to his band-mates. "I know we just got started, but I would like to talk to Rick for just a little while. Do you guys mind?"

They both shook their heads and Hiro smirked at him. "Just don't be gone too long."

-

-English-

Shuichi took Rick down to a small courtyard frequented by smokers. After pulling a smoke of his own out and lighting up Shuichi sat down on a bench and patted the seat next to him.

They were both silent for a few moments before Rick spoke. "You guys sound good. Granted I came in about half way through and I didn't understand a word of it."

Shuichi chuckled. "I'll translate it for you some time."

They fell back into silence. It was weird not to be able to just fall into conversation with Rick. "So, I take it that I have you to thank to talking the band out of rebelling."

Rick looked over at his friend and smile derisively. "Oh yeah. They were all just _thrilled_ by the idea of you joining another band and forcing us all to move to Japan."

Shuichi winced. "I know. I feel bad for doing it. I am being selfish to want to keep both Seven Sins and Bad Luck."

Rick waved him off. "Don't worry about it. They will get over it soon enough. Besides it is not like we will be here permanently." Rick shrugged. "We are still an American band. We will tour and play in the states. We will just be here when we are gearing up and recording. It is not like it is a bad then to be able to record at one of the best studios in the world."

Shuichi took a long drag from his cigarette and held it for a few seconds before slowly letting it out. "Yeah," he said softly. He cracked his neck and turned a little more serious. "Were you guys able to decide on the vocalist. All three of them were very good."

Rick shook his head. "Nah, they kept comparing them to you. Frankly when you have worked with the best in the business it is hard to lower you standards."

Shuichi blushed brilliantly. "Yeah but you guys still need a new singer. It will be impossible for me to stay with both groups."

Rick chuckled and patted Shu on the back. "Don't worry about it, Neo. I already talked to Seguchi. We will make it work. You can keep singing with both groups."

Shuichi looked both startled and upset. "Are you two planning on working me to death?"

Rick let out a loud guffaw. "Now what good would that do us? You are going to record with both bands and the tours will alternate." Shuichi was still unconvinced. "Look, Seguchi thinks that both bands have a strong enough following that the fans will be more than willing to wait for us. Seven Sins will tour America for a month at a time with two or three tours a year. If we do another world tour then we will take Bad Luck with us and just slow things down enough so that the tour dates can coincide."

Shuichi threw his hands in the air. "And you just decided this without asking me?"

Rick smirked. "You're the one who told Seguchi that you wanted to keep both of us."

Shuichi groaned. "Me and my big mouth."

-

The first song was _Iris _ by the Goo Goo Dolls and the second was _Bent_ by Matchbox 20.

So? Too much? Not enough? There's more to come.


	12. Chapter 11

**No Escaping Fate**

Thanks to Trish for betaing.

**Chapter Eleven**

-Japanese-

"I don't know. He seems too happy. Everything is working out for him too quickly. Then again it could just be that… you know how the last few pieces of a jigsaw puzzle fall into place so quickly. Well, I think that is how his life is. No matter how hard the puzzle the more you put together the more pieces that fit on the first try. Before you know it you can see the big picture and you simply know where the last few go."

Eiri set down the pages and took of his glasses. "So how does the story end? Does he find happiness in his work? Is he content to be alone? Dose he reconcile with his lover?"

He leaned forward and rested his elbow on the edge of the bed and his cheek in his hand. The steady beep, beep, beep that was his life in this room seemed to echo within his own chest. "You're the only one who I am like this around. You're the only one who I can tell everything to."

He looked up at his companion as if waiting for a response, but he knew that there wasn't one coming. For as long as he had been 'walking' here every week, never once had his companion uttered a word.

Everyone had given up hope for his companion. To them he was a lost soul waiting to die. But as long as Eiri could listen to that beep, beep, beep Eiri had faith his friend might come back. He had to, because as long as that hope existed there was a chance that he could have Shuichi in his life again.

As long as he had hope this man would wake up some day. "So tell me, how do I end the story? This would only be the second time I wrote a happy ending. Should I forgo that and do something tragic?"

Eiri took the other's still hand in his own and rested his cheek against it. "Should he commit suicide in a fit of grief?" Eiri leaned back, but kept hold of the hand. "No," he said shaking his head, "that wouldn't work. He would never kill himself. Not so long as there was the least bit of hope."

Eiri gave a sarcastic laugh and rubbed his burning eyes. He couldn't count the number of times that he had cried silent tears in this room. Here no one could see his pain and mock him for it. "You think on that for me, would you? I would love to hear your opinion on it. So I will ask again next week. Same time, same place."

Eiri stood up slowly and with a final squeeze of the unresponsive hand he walked away.

The nurses were used to seeing him by now and no one said anything about him being there after hours anymore. They all knew that he was the only one who came to visit that patient any more and since he never caused a problem they left him alone. New nurses were quickly educated by the older ones that it was all right for him to be there and that it didn't matter that he wasn't family. After so long, they all thought it was nice that someone still cared.

Shuichi was attempting to stare down Tohma. This proved to be no easy task, as the man seemed to have recovered his inscrutable façade when around the singer. "You honestly think that we can make this work?"

Tohma smiled up at him serenely. "I would not have agreed to it if I had not thought that it would work. As long as we keep the tours short and work hard it should not be a problem. I am, of course, bringing in some more support staff to help you."

Shuichi took two steps forward and slapped his palms down on Tohma's desk. "You have got to be kidding! Have you finally taken leave of your senses entirely? Sure, it is all fine and dandy for you, but then you aren't being asked to be the lead vocalist for two separate bands. Two separate, highly popular bands I might add."

Shuichi took a step back and clenched his fists at his side to keep from hitting something. "I am not your personal, fucking plaything, Tohma! If you were even contemplating something like this you should have asked me!"

Tohma folded his hands atop his desk. "Please calm down, Shuichi."

Shuichi forced himself to take several slow, deep breaths before flopping into a chair.

"As you know we have been unable to find a suitable replacement vocalist for Seven Sins. Without such the band is through. If you would rather I dismiss their contract then please say so. The only other option is to have you keep singing with them."

Shuichi let his head fall against the back of the chair. "Playing dirty again, Tohma?"

"I would hardly call it 'playing dirty.' Those are simply the facts of the matter."

Shuichi looked back up at the older musician and sighed. "Fine, but if I have a nervous breakdown it is your fault."

Tohma raised an eyebrow at him. "If it gets to be that much of a problem then we will reevaluate the situation. For now we will just wait and see what happens."

Shuichi shook his head as he got up. "You know, Tohma, you should have been an American politician."

Tohma's laughter followed Shuichi out of the office.

-

"Took you long enough." Shuichi looked up at Hiro and rolled his eyes at the lascivious look he was getting.

"Behave, Hiro. I had to go see Tohma. Apparently, I am now the singer for two bands." He sat down in the nearest empty chair and put his face in his hands.

"Okay and why is this news? I thought that was the plan."

Shuichi looked up at his friend in time to see him take a bite off of a piece of strawberry pocky. Shuichi reached across and snatched the rest of it from his hand. "Give me that."

He shoved the pocky in his mouth and sighed. 'Damn, that's good.'

"If you wanted a piece you could have asked. I have more."

Shuichi glared at his friend. "Not the point. Anyway, no, it was not the plan for me to sing for both bands. I was supposed to produce for Seven Sins and sing for Bad Luck. That way I didn't have to go on tours with Sins."

Hiro was now digging in the box of pocky for another piece and only half paying attention to Shuichi. Shu saw this and snatched the whole box. "Hey now!"

"That's what you get for mocking me with my favorite food, especially when I haven't had any in almost six years. This shit is hard to find in the states." Shuichi emphasized his point by taking a large bite out of another stick.

Hiro grumbled quietly to himself, but chose not to comment loud enough for Shu to hear him. "Anyway, I don't see why it is a problem. We all know that you have enough energy for ten people."

"Yeah, yeah," then as if just realizing it, "Hey, were is Fugisaki?"

Hiro picked up his guitar and started fiddling with it again. "He went to order us some lunch."

Shuichi nodded and enjoyed his pocky.

-

-English-

"So everything is going well?"

Shuichi shrugged but didn't look up from the stove. "I guess. It is not like I have much of a choice at this point. I'm not willing to let Sins suffer because of me. We will have to wait and see how it goes once I am working with both bands."

Shuichi looked through one of the newly stocked cabinets in his newly acquired apartment. It was close to NG and in a good neighborhood. He liked it. It was a lot nicer than where he had been living in America.

He pulled down the jar of spice he had been looking for. About that time there was a loud knock at the door and Shuichi cursed fluently in both of the languages he knew as he dumped far too much of the spice into the pot. "Can you get that for me?"

Rick laughed at his friend, but got up and went to the door.

Shuichi could hear them speaking, so whoever it was knew English. However they were far enough away that he couldn't make out the voice. When Rick walked in it was Hiro that accompanied him. Shuichi greeted him in English for Rick's comfort.

"Hey, I didn't think you would be coming. What happened to your hot date?" Shuichi walked back to the pot long enough to lower the heat then to the fridge to get Hiro a drink. "Beer, soda, or juice?"

"Beer is fine. Suguru got a dinner invitation from his sister. His family doesn't really approve of our relationship so I declined." Hiro sat down at the table and Shuichi once again crossed to the stove. "When did you learn to cook anyway? Last time I saw you trying to make something you, ended up kissing Tatsuha."

Shuichi snorted as he finally sat down at the table. "I had to. You can only eat so much take out before your stomach starts to turn at the very thought."

Hiro gave him an incredulous look. "Who are you and what have you done with Shuichi?"

Both Rick and Shuichi laughed. "No, he is actually pretty good now," said Rick "Granted it took me forever to get him past the point where he'd start a fire just by boiling water."

"You taught him to cook? You're a brave, brave man."

'This feels good,' thought Shuichi 'I am glad that they are getting along. It would be weird if my two best friends hated each other.' Shuichi got up again and headed back to the stove. He listened as the two men talked amiably and laughed along with them as they tried to out do each other by telling the most embarrassing Shu stories.

He had stopped paying attention at some point while trying to chop some celery, but he froze when he realized what story Hiro was now telling.

"…and then right in the middle of the chorus he yells out, 'Yuki is mine!' I thought I was going to have a heart attack. Ryu-san saved our asses, though."

Rick laughed, "Damn you guys are some lucky sons-of-bitches. Even I know who Ryuichi Sakuma is. That guy really knows how to get a crowd's attention."

Hiro smiled at Rick and jerked his thumb toward Shuichi. "Yeah, this kid here had a crush on him before he even knew he was gay. Once Ryuichi asked for Shuichi's autograph and I swear Shu nearly crapped himself."

Shuichi heard nothing past 'Yuki is mine'. He was consumed by the thoughts of that night and his former lover. He could see Yuki standing there next to Ayaka. He could see those intense amber eyes staring straight at him. He could vividly hear the thoughts that were running through his head at that time and Tatsuha's words as he told Shuichi that he and Ayaka were the same.

'…or is it that the person you fell in love with happened to be bro?'

"So is it ready yet?"

The question startled Shuichi and he brought the knife down hard onto his finger. "Shit, fuck, son of a baka!"

Rick and Hiro were both at his side in an instant as he hastily tried to wrap a towel around his bleeding finger. "Are you okay?"

Shuichi looked up into two pairs of concerned eyes. "Yeah, but I might need some stitches."

-

When Shuichi walked out of the emergency room it was well past three in the morning. It had taken three stitches to close up his finger, but the doctor said that there had been no severe damage to the finger. Once it was healed he should have no problems playing his synthesizer again.

"I knew that letting you into a kitchen had to be a bad idea." Shuichi glared at Hiro, but Rick just laughed.

"Nah, shit happens."

They all walked to the rental car that Rick was driving but as Shuichi went to get in he paused. He turned his head and took a second look at the black car that was pulling out of the parking lot. He could have sworn that he saw gold hair getting into that car just a second ago and it was defiantly a Mercedes.

Shuichi shook his head. 'No way. What would Eiri be doing at a hospital at this time of night? Unless… He's not sick again is he?'

-

-Japanese-

It was getting later all the time, but Shuichi still couldn't sleep. He kept seeing that blond head slipping into that black Mercedes. Could it have been a coincidence? Had his earlier thoughts made him imagine what he had seen? 'Am I going crazy?'

He looked over at the clock and sighed. It was almost seven already. He didn't have to go in to the studio today because of his injury and the late night, but he doubted he would ever get to sleep. He gave up and got out of bed. He looked over at the phone on his bedside.

'Tohma will be up by now, right?' He debated with himself on it. Yes, the man would probably be up, but if Shuichi called and asked after Eiri he would never hear the end of it.

"Oh, to hell with it" he said to himself. "I'm not going to get any sleep until I know he is alright."

He grabbed his phone and hit the speed dial for Tohma's cell. Sure enough ,when the man answered he sounded wide-awake. "Seguchi."

"Hey, Tohma."

"Shuichi? I thought you would be asleep. How is the finger?" There was a distinct air of humor in the man's voice.

"I'm fine. Thanks ever so much for your concern." Shuichi rolled his eyes at himself for letting Tohma provoke him.

"Well, what can I do for you?"

Shuichi hesitated, "Um… have you heard from Eiri lately?"

There was a long moment of silence before Tohma answered. "Yes, I spoke to him yesterday. Is there a problem?"

Was it just Shuichi or did Tohma sound almost hopeful? "No, there's no problem. Is he alright?"

Again there was a pause and Shuichi distinctly heard Tohma sigh. "He is the same."

Shuichi started to feel a little braver. "He's not sick again then?"

"Not to my knowledge. Why, do you know something that you are not telling me?"

Shuichi bit his lip. He knew that Eiri hated it when Tohma babied him, but at the same time if Eiri was sick and not telling people. "I don't know. I thought I saw him leaving the hospital last night."

"Oh…" Tohma didn't say anything for a moment and Shuichi could now hear the sounds of traffic in the background. "You don't have to worry. Eiri is fine. He hasn't had any of those kinds of problems in awhile. Mika and I have kept a close eye on his heath since you left and his doctors have us down as contacts. If something had happened we would know."

Shuichi let out a silent sigh of relief. "Um, okay. Well I can hear that you're on your way to work so I will let you go."

"I will see you tomorrow, Shuichi. Get some sleep."

"Thanks, Tohma. I will."

-

When Tohma hung up the phone he couldn't help but smile. 'It won't be long now.'

-

So? Too much? Not enough? There's still more to come.


	13. Chapter 12

**No Escaping Fate**

I have looked, but been unable to find Shuichi's parents names. So like all good authors do, I made something up. If you know what they are then tell me and I will change it. Thanks to Trish for betaing.

**Chapter Twelve**

-Japanese-

"They called it _Day in the Sun._ I wanted to laugh at them and the cliché. It was my own fault, though. I'm the one who wrote about the starving artist who found his one true love only to loose her tragically. Find love, loose love, find it again and then… then she dies." Eiri settled back in the chair and looked at his unresponsive companion.

"He doesn't kill himself, but he is never the same, a mere shell of a man, but… he keeps on living. He vows to tell the world just how much he loved her with his art. It is truly sappy and tragic. My fans will eat it up."

He laughed lightly to himself. His only answer was the steady beep and a new sound; when he had come in that night he found that they had been forced to put his companion on a respirator. The other man had apparently had a stroke and he was now unable to breath on his own.

Eiri brushed a few of the now stark white hairs out of the man's face. "A nurse told me that your family is considering stopping life support. The doctors weren't certain that you would wake up before and now they are saying it would be a miracle."

He sighed and leaned back again. "I won't let them. If I have to I will find a lawyer and get power of attorney. It's not like you are a burden to them financially. You weren't a fool. You were ready in case something like this happened. I made sure of that."

Eiri bit his lip. It was hard to see him with that tube down his throat. What Eiri couldn't understand was why this had happened now. He had been here so long.

"I'm not sure what to do with the next book. I have a few ideas, but nothing concrete…" Eiri voiced his various ideas for his companion. He sat there for an hour longer than he usually did before reluctantly getting up.

"I will see you next week. Get better. I know you must hate having that thing down your throat."

-

Shuichi was nervous. He couldn't remember ever having been this nervous. Not even at his first concert. He was standing in front of the restaurant where Tohma had arranged for him to see his family. They didn't know why they were there, of course.

It had been two months since his return to Japan. The various members of Seven Sin's were starting to get used to their new surroundings and Bad Luck had recorded the first three songs for their new album. All and all, things were starting to come together and Shuichi found that he could not put this bit off any longer.

Shuichi took a deep breath to calm his frazzled nerves and walked into the restaurant. The host informed him that the other members of his party were already seated and quickly led him to a private dinning area. It was a nice but informal restaurant that catered mostly to the business class. They had several private dinning rooms that were usually rented out for corporate lunches. Tohma had made the perfect choice of location. This was neutral ground and they would have some privacy in case of any emotional outbursts.

When Shuichi entered the room he saw his mother, father, sister, and Tohma all seated and waiting. Tohma was there as mediator and emotional support for Shuichi. Shu had asked Hiro to come, but the redhead had thought that he was too close to the situation. Tohma had agreed to come and the more Shuichi thought about it the more he felt that it was the right choice. Not only could Tohma support Shuichi if it went badly but he could fill in some of the details and he was less likely to put Shuichi's family on the defensive or make a scene. Not that it was certain that Tohma would remain calm. Shuichi had found that Tohma had become very protective of him since his return. Whether it was because he was afraid of Shu running off again or if he really cared was uncertain.

His family looked up when he came in, but made no sign of recognition. Tohma had kept his word and not told them. As he sat next to the blond he received several confused looks.

Tohma could feel Shuichi's unease and took the initiative. "Now that we are all here I can explain what this is about. I need you all to try and remain calm until everyone has been heard." He received a round of nods as confirmation.

"As the three of you have suspected for some time, I have indeed known of Shuichi's whereabouts. He was not aware of this fact. I kept his location to myself because it was not my place to interfere."

At this last bit Shuichi snorted. Tohma didn't know how to _not_ interfere.

Tohma glared at him for his interruption. "I have been in personal contact with Shuichi for the last two months. He has now expressed his interest in trying to reconcile with the three of you."

The three of them looked hopeful. His mother spoke first, "Where is he? And you still haven't introduced your friend."

Tohma smiled sweetly at Shuichi's mother. "Yes, how rude of me. Let me introduce you to Shindou Shuichi." Tohma made a grand sweeping gesture toward Shuichi.

There was complete silence for all of ten seconds. "That is not my son."

Shuichi didn't know whether to be hurt or to laugh. They really had not recognized him. "Tell me something, father," Shu said. "Am I not your son because I left or because I don't look the same?"

Tohma was proud of his little friend for remaining calm, but at the same time he was worried. The singer's voice was hollow. Shindou-san's comment had already put Shuichi on the defensive and the younger man was preparing for the worst.

"I… what… Shuichi?"

Shuichi nodded. The various emotions around the table were intense. No one seemed to know how to react. It was Maiko who broke the silence. "You stupid little baka! How dare you just up and leave like that. Do you know how worried we were? And you," she said turning and pointing at Tohma, "you knew where he was and you said nothing! How long has he been back in Japan? How long have you been hiding him from us?" She made to stand, but her father put a restraining hand on her shoulder. Once again the room was plunged into silence.

Shindou Touru had always considered himself a reasonable man. When his son had told him that he wanted to be a singer he had resisted, but as he saw the boy's talent grow he supported him. When Shuichi had told him he was gay he had taken it in stride. When his son came home crying after a fight with his lover, he did his best to help his wife comfort and reassure the young man. But when his son had started to withdraw and become cold he had reacted like any father would: he had gotten mad and overreacted. He had contributed to his son leaving as much as everyone else.

"I'm sorry, these were the first words that Touru had said all night.

Shuichi looked stunned. "You're sorry? What do you have to be sorry for? I'm the one who left."

Touru got up and rounded the western style table. He crouched down by his son and looked Shuichi in the eye. As he stared into those familiar purple depths the last little bit of doubt as to if this really was his son faded. "I didn't help you when you needed me. I got mad and defensive when you needed support. I wish that I had paid more attention instead of jumping to conclusions. That is why I am sorry."

Shuichi was startled when his father suddenly hugged him. The man had never been the 'touchy, feely' sort. Hugs in his childhood had been rare and treasured things. Not that he had been a cold father, but he considered such displays un-masculine most of the time.

Shu slowly relaxed into the embrace and let a smile cross his lips. 'Now if I can just get out of this room without Maiko killing me.'

-

The family had spent hours talking. Shuichi had been honest with them and told them the whole story. He accepted his sister's rants and mother's tears gracefully. Tohma for the most part sat back and stayed out of it until he was asked about his part in the 'plot' as Maiko had taken to calling it.

After many assurances that he was not going to disappear again Shuichi said good-bye and made his way out of the restaurant with Tohma next to him.

"Are you alright?" Shuichi glanced over at the blond as they walked across the parking lot to their respective vehicles.

"It was hard, but I am glad that I did it. I've missed them. It feels nice to have that weight of my chest." Shuichi pulled his keys from his pocket and made to head toward his car.

Tohma had stopped and was watching Shuichi. Before the singer was out of earshot he called. "Only one piece left to the puzzle now."

Shuichi stopped dead and turned around slowly. The phrase sounded so familiar, but he didn't know from where. "What do you mean?"

Tohma closed the distance between them. "You have repaired your life bit by bit. Not without difficulty, but it has been done. Now all you lack it that last piece of the puzzle."

"Eiri." Shuichi didn't know why he said it, but he wished he hadn't. As soon as the name crossed his lips he was mentally cursing himself. He looked up at the blond and glared. "You promised to leave that alone."

Tohma smiled serenely down at him. "I didn't say it, you did." Tohma turned and started walking again. "Think about it Shuichi, your heart is begging you to," he called back over his shoulder.

Shuichi stood there in the darkening parking lot for several long minutes after Tohma drove away. He was lost in thoughts of what the keyboardist had said. His dreams were still haunted by golden eyes and hair. His heart skipped a beat every time he thought he caught a glimpse of the author. "Damn it, Tohma, why are you always right?"

-

"Stop!" Shuichi rubbed at his eyes in frustration. He was having trouble keeping his mind on his work. "Sorry guys, but I need a break."

He didn't wait for a response as he walked out of the rehearsal studio. He made his way to the now very familiar courtyard and pulled out a smoke. He sighed in relief as the nicotine rushed into his veins.

He looked up, startled, when a voice spoke close to his ear. "Long day?"

Shuichi smiled wanly at Ryuichi and nodded. The other singer plopped down next to him and reclined. "Thought so. You smoke more when you are frustrated and I have seen you come out here no less than three times in the last two hours." Ryu looked at his friend with prying eyes. "Want to talk about it?"

Shuichi scratched his head and leaned forward to rest his elbows on his knees. "I've just been thinking a lot lately."

If Shuichi had been looking he would have seen Ryu roll his eyes. "That much is obvious, Shu-chan."

Shuichi chuckled when Kuma suddenly appeared in front of his face. "Now that you have the obvious out of the way, you can tell Kuma-chan and Ryu-chan what is wrong, ne?"

Shuichi sighed and scratched the pink bunny on the head. "Yeah… Tohma said something to me the other day and it got me thinking." He leaned back and lit another cigarette. "He said, 'you have repaired your life bit by bit… now all you lack it that last piece of the puzzle.' It was kind of disturbing."

Ryu put his hand under Shu's chin and turned the other singer to face him. "He's right."

Shuichi pulled away from the touch and looked down again. "I know, but at the same time I still don't think…"

"That is the problem."

Shuichi looked up, confused. "What is?"

"You're thinking too hard again. What you need to do is feel. It is time to make a choice Shu-chan." Ryu leaned forward and stared hard into Shuichi's eyes, his expression grave. "You are running out of time and soon there won't be any turning back. You have dallied too long already and it is starting to wear on you."

Shuichi felt a chill run down his spine. Something wasn't right about this conversation. "I… what…"

Ryu looked away and stood. "You cannot survive in limbo forever, Shu-chan. It is time to decide if you will stay or move on."

Shuichi felt a sudden panic rising in his chest. Something was off. He felt dizzy. "Ryu… I don't… I can't…"

Ryuichi still stood in the same spot as if a statue looking into the distance. "I can't help you Shuichi. You have to decide on your own. You have been given ample opportunity to reconcile your misgivings. You walked away from us all, but you never really left. How does the story end Shuichi?"

Shuichi felt darkness creeping in on his vision, but somewhere from deep inside he found strength enough to whisper, "Stories don't really end. Something always happens after they're over."

Just before the darkness consumed him he saw Ryuichi turn toward him and smile.

-

So? Too much? Not enough? There's still more to come.


	14. Chapter 13

**No Escaping Fate**

The progress of this chapter is a little choppy but it is supposed to be. Kind of like the prologue where Shu's thoughts are muddled and tend to run together.

Thanks to Trish for betaing.

**Chapter Thirteen **

Eiri glared at the phone as it rang. This was one of the few times that he had voluntarily spent time with Tohma and Mika and someone picked now to interrupt.

"Seguchi," Tohma answered. "Already? I was told that we would have more time to prepare him… No… Alright, I will take care of it on my end… No, thank you for letting me know."

Eiri had a very bad feeling as Tohma's conversation progressed. When his brother-in-law looked up at him Eiri knew that something wasn't right. "This isn't a social call, is it?"

Mika got up and sat down next to her brother as Tohma shook his head. "Eiri," she said very softly. The writer had been very emotionally fragile since the events with Shuichi six years ago. "You know that things have gotten bad. The doctors are now sure that he will never wake up again."

Eiri stiffened and leaned away from the hand she was reaching out to him. He didn't have to ask who or what she was talking about, he knew. "No…"

"Eiri-kun, they are cutting off the life support as we speak."

He wanted to hit something or someone. Eiri got to his feet and took several steps toward Tohma. "And you all decided that it was in my best interests to keep me in the dark until the last possible moment so that I couldn't interfere."

Mika stood up and laid a hand on his shoulder which he quickly shrugged off. "Eiri, please, calm down. We didn't think…"

"I don't give a damn what you did or didn't think. I will be damned if you kill him."

Tohma stood up and got in Eiri's face. "We all decided that it was best for you. You have let this eat away at you for six years Eiri. Six YEARS!"

Eiri took a step back from the keyboardist. It was the first time in memory that Tohma had yelled at him. His heart throbbed and he fought to keep tears out of his eyes. "I… know… but I can't let him go."

There was silence for several tense moments but then the look on Tohma's face softened. As he opened his mouth to speak the phone rang again.

-

For some reason he hurt all over. Several people had been in and out of the hospital room. He hadn't been able to open his eyes to look at them, he was just too tired, but they had all bent low and spoken to him. The things that they kept telling him made him feel strange, like he was going somewhere. Hiro, Suguru, Maiko, his mother and father, they had all been and gone and it was strange. He had only passed out, after all.

After awhile there was silence again. He couldn't have moved if he had wanted to; couldn't have opened his eyes or spoken. He was so tired. After awhile he felt himself drifting again toward sleep. But he had a feeling of foreboding, like if he did fall asleep again something bad would happen.

Somewhere in the distance the door opened again and he heard low voices converse for a moment before it closed again.

Slow steps crossing the room…

The bed dipping next to him…

A gentle hand sweeping across his face…

"You never knew how to do anything the normal way did you? You always waited until the last possible moment and then changed your mind."

Shuichi didn't understand.

He knew that voice though, it was Eiri. For some reason the fact that it was Eiri didn't bother him like it normally would have. He liked the fact that the author cared enough to come and see him.

"I know it isn't my usual night to come and see you, but under the circumstances I thought you might enjoy one of our talks."

'What? Talks, visit? I've only spoken to Eiri twice since coming back to Japan.'

"So let's see. You were supposed to be thinking about my idea for doing a historical story. I know it's not really my style, but I would make for a nice change of pace."

The hand had kept petting his hair and Shuichi felt the need to nuzzle into the touch, it felt so good. He strained his neck for a moment and then the muscles gave and he pushed his head into the hand.

"…he woul- … Did you?"

The hand froze mid-stroke and all Shuichi could do was whimper. He wanted that touch and he wanted that sweet voice. Oh, how he had missed it. The anger he had once felt toward the man seemed to be gone. Again he had no explanation as to why, but the anger seemed like distant dream.

"Can you… can you hear me?"

'Now that is a stupid question if ever I heard one, Eiri; and you call me a baka.' Shuichi managed to open one bleary eye and attempted to glare at the writer.

"Oh… my… Shu-han… baby?"

The pseudo glare left Shuichi's eye. 'You're being awfully nice today. I figured that you would be mad at me for overworking myself. I am sure that Tohma told you about that by now, but you should know that it is just as much his fault as mine. Really! You know that man could talk Eskimos into an ice machine, he had me thinking I could be in two bands at once'

The singer managed to slowly lift one hand to cover Eiri's where it was on his cheek, but try as he might he could not manage to move his left hand to reach out to Eiri's face. In fact his whole left side felt a little sluggish, almost numb.

"You're… but…" Eiri's free hand started fumbling for something Shuichi couldn't see. When he found it there was a rapid series of clicks. "Stay with me, Shu-han! Come on baby, stay with me! Don't go back to sleep!"

Eiri's voice seemed frantic. It was a little overdramatic as far a Shuichi was concerned, but it was still nice to be fussed over. He had spent years trying to get Eiri to care. It was hardly worth it to push him away now… 'But since when am I okay with this? Just because Tohma and Ryuichi think that I should go back to Eiri doesn't mean that I have to be with him or even that I need him… but its okay I guess.' Shu stared up into scared amber eyes. 'He genuinely seems worried about me. I would be rude to push him away now… assuming I could find the strength.'

Shuichi let his hand fall to the side. It was too much effort to keep it up at this point. He could hear running footsteps and then the door opened. He turned his head just enough to see several people in scrubs entering.

The chain of events that followed were a blur. He was poked and prodded. He was asked to blink, move, and speak. Most of this he was able to do without problem, but his voice was weak and all the movements on his left side were slow in coming.

While all of this was going on Eiri was there, no longer sitting next to him, but always within his line of sight. The blond had a phone in his hand and was making numerous calls. Next to him Tohma and Mika were also making calls. They had been told more than once not to use the cell phones in the hospital or at least to go out into the hall, but after several glares the staff had given up on getting any of them to move.

Shuichi for his part was trying to stay calm, but really he was starting to get frustrated. He hadn't been able to form any actual words yet and so he was unable to ask what was going on. From the frantic way everyone was acting he could guess that he had been sicker than he thought. Really, though, it would have been nice if someone told him what was happening to him.

In the back of his head something prickled at his thoughts.

_The silver flash of the knife against his skin_…

'The day I left...'

_Running away from the apartment building…_

'Wait, where are my things? And I got into a cab, I didn't run.'

_The busy streets and the park in the distance…_

'I didn't go the park, I went to the airport.'

_The screech of tires… pain… cold… dark…_

Shuichi took a deep shuddering breath. 'No… that's not the way it happened.' Familiar panic was rising in his chest and the din of voices was fading. Eiri was no longer on the phone, he was desperately trying to force his way past a large orderly to get to Shu.

His heart was beating franticly in his chest and he felt disoriented. The room around him faded as the lights grew brighter and brighter until all he could see where Eiri's eyes… then Eiri's face came back… his shoulders… his body… There right in front of him was Eiri, but they were alone now. Alone and surrounded by white.

"What?"

Shuichi was standing now and he turned a full circle, but there was noting and no one else there. "What is going on?" He faced his lover again and suddenly another question was burning to get out of him, "What happened that day? That's not the way I remember it."

"Isn't it? You remember that from somewhere."

"But… I…"

Eiri laughed. "You always were a bit slow on the uptake. You ran for the park and were hit by a car. Everything that you think has happened since has only been in your mind."

Shuichi shook his head vigorously, the anger he had felt toward his one time lover burning suddenly under his skin again. "No, this is some kind of sick joke."

Eiri sighed and leaned against… well something. He seemed so relaxed and at the same time Shuichi could since an underlying tension.

"You weren't ready to accept what had happened to you so you created a world where you made one different choice and thus changed the entire course of events."

"No, that is so…" Shuichi crossed his arms over his chest. "I wouldn't do something like that. How did I learn English? What about my other band?" His voice was rising with each word and he began waving his hands about as if gesturing to the memories themselves. "What about the songs I have written? How did I become a totally different person? You don't just dream things like that!"

Eiri stood up straight again. "You did." The statement was so simple. There it was, the past six years summed up in two words.

Maybe it was a dream, but how?

"That is so messed up. Why would I do something like that?"

Eiri had closed the distance between them in the blink of an eye and Shuichi was forced to take a step back only to find himself pressed against another invisible wall.

Eiri pressed his chest against Shuichi's and lowered his head until their lips were just a hair's breath apart. "It's your head Shu-han. If you don't understand it then no one else can be expected to."

Shuichi felt his chest constricting again. "But…"

"Let go, Shuichi. Give up the pain that you have held onto. That is what has kept you here. You're doing so well. This last time… me… that was real…" Eiri's eye's burned into Shuichi's.

Shuichi closed his eyes said just what he felt. "You hurt me so bad… I still hurt so much, because… I still love you. No matter how hard I try to stop… I still love you so much."

He felt a hand on his face and whispering breath passed his ear, "It all comes down to the one thing you have been avoiding all this time. Me."

"I…"

"Do you love me enough to come back and stay with me? Were you just waking up to say goodbye? How does the story end?"

Shuichi's mind flashed back to what he remembered having said to Ryuichi. "The story never really ends. Something always happens after it is over."

"I told you that."

Shuichi closed his eyes. Eiri's voice, the real Eiri, flashed into his mind. _'Why does it matter if the ending is happy or not? Just because you close the book doesn't mean that something else didn't happen. Something always happens after the story is over. They don't ever end, because the sun will always rise on a new day. Besides, I could just write a sequel and kill them all.'_

"So now tell me. What are you going to do?" Eiri's lips fell on Shuichi's. For an instant he wanted to push the author away, but something told him to cling to that body. It told him to hold on… for dear life.

-

Beep, beep, beep, he hated the sound, but Eiri always laughed at him when he said so. There was something in the author's face when he made those comments. To him it was a longing, a comfort, and a reassurance… the sound… the beep.

'But I guess I'll never know, not really.'

No one else seemed to have a fondness for the sound, but then again no one found it as annoying as Shuichi did.

They had all come to see him in the weeks since his 'miraculous' awakening. Of course it didn't seem very miraculous to Shu. It felt like he had lost something… yet he could not bring himself to tell any of them about his dream.

It was a bit painful for him. He left an entire life behind in that dream world. If nothing else there mattered… he had lost Rick. Rick was a dream, some kind of strange combination of Ryu, Hiro, Maiko, and Eiri. The people he cared most about had still been with him in Rick. As least that is what Shuichi told himself. And even then the imaginary musician was never really able to replace his best friend, his mentor, his sister, and his lover.

It had taken Shu a month to figure that part out, to accept that maybe he didn't loose Rick, but rather Rick turned back into the real people he had always been based on.

Shuichi shook his head to clear the thought. He was alone for once. It was a rare thing. It seemed that someone had been with him almost constantly since he had woken. There were times that he would wake up and find Eiri just watching him. As if afraid that Shu would suddenly slip back into the coma.

'To think that I was ready to give up on them… all of them. I wonder… would I have really run away?'

The whole thing was a lot to take in. It really had been six years after all. He had gotten some things in dream right. Maybe it had been his subconscious listening to them talking to him over the years… no, not them… they had all given up on him… all but Eiri…

Shuichi lifted his right hand, as his left was still a bit heavy and sluggish from the stroke, and ran it through his hair. It would take time. All of it would take time. There was still a lot to resolve, doubts, fears, anger… betrayal.

'Yes it will take time, but fate has a funny way of getting what she wants. She has a way of catching even the most reluctant soul, no matter how hard they try to run away. So after trying so hard to escape the story of my life it begins again,' he thought ruefully, 'but Eiri always says that they never _really_ end to begin with.'

Shuichi pulled the journal from his bedside and flipped it open. He had been working on writing down as many of the lyrics from his dream as he could remember, but what he wrote this time was not from his dream. This was new. Carefully he scribed his thoughts onto the page. When he was done he knew what the title had to be:

_After "The End"_

-

That's it! But what did I say about stories ending? Something always happens after they are over. Besides, I could always just write a sequel and kill them all. –Smirks evilly-

I know you are all sitting there going, "What the fuck?" Not to worry though, this has a sequels planed for it. So stay tuned for the next two parts of the _No Escaping Fate_ series, _Twisting Fate_ and _Changing Fate._


End file.
